The LONG journey finally ends!

It's only taken us 3 1/2 years to get to this day....What a very long and tiring 3 1/2 years it has been. I look back on it all, and truly think only by God's grace and strength did I get thru this all and will heal from it only by Him. From agency and country changes, long waits, losing two precious sweet girls that we thought would be in our arms forever, to a long 5 weeks in Ug@nda, she's finally LEGALLY ours under heaven. She's been ours in our hearts since we saw her sweet little face on Nov. 2 last year. We've had legal guardianship of her since the judge said yes on Mar. 22 of this year in Ug@nda, but just today do we finally legally get to see her name as Nya Cicilia Jennifer COUSINEAU! What a blessing she is to our family. We so do not deserve the job to be her forever Mom and Dad, but God thought we were the only ones under heaven seen fit, and for that we will forever be thankful. This didn't all end how I would have planned it. There would have been two baby girls in our laps today, and as hard as it is for me to come to realization that that just wasn't God's plan right now, I sit in awe of my one beautiful brown skinned beauty, and am thankful that now I have the chance to teach this little girl what it's like to have a Father that no matter what you do, and no matter what you think, He knows what you need and will provide all the love, all the strength, and all the necessities she'll need to get thru this life.
I'll always wonder why He thought it would be a good idea to introduce us to our other two sweet little brown skinned beauties just to take them from us, but try to keep believing that His will is perfect. They will forever be in my heart. They will forever be in my prayers every night. When I think of "my girls" their little faces will always pop up in my head. They will always be a part of our family even though they don't live under the same roof as the rest of us. I don't know when the pain of losing them will ever get better, but for now I thank God for making us the Fab 5..... for now ;-)

My baby is 6 today!

(Labor)
6 years ago my life totally changed. Up until I got pregnant for Braden, I was dead set against growing a child in my body. I only wanted to adopt.

(Just born) I am so glad I changed my mind!










Braden's entrance into the world was not pleasant, to put it lightly, but he brought so much joy and laughter into my life.
(1 year old)










He has a heart of gold! Doing whatever he can whenever he can to help anyone. Never wanting his brother to be punished and always trying so hard to make life fair so our little world stays as peaceful as possible.
(2 years old)



He's passionate about everything he does, sometimes a little too much :-)







(3 years old)













We are hoping to fulfill his wishes soon of "Going to Uganda to help the kids with no Mommy and Daddies." and "Having lots more brothers and sisters. Some adopted and some in Mommy's belly." (We'll see about that whole "in Mommy's belly" thing....)
(4 years old)






He has more love and faith in our Savior than I could ever imagine having, and prays likes he's been a preacher for 20 years. He's our little evangelist, always asking if so & so knows Christ, and if we say we're not sure, he prays for them immediately.
(5 years old)












Braden Nathaniel Oscar Cousineau, I am so proud of the little man God is shaping you to be. I can't wait to see what He has planned for your future (Mommy's praying it goes very slowly though). You are such a blessing in my life! Daddy & Mommy love you so incredibly much! Happy 6th birthday Braden Boy!

Motherhood.....I'm not cut out for this

This past week my hubby's been MIA due to the LEAD11 conference that was put on at EABC. I came to the conclusion that I was not meant to be a stay-at-home single Momma. I'll be the first to admit, I am so not a perfect Mom. I lose my cool. I yell at times. I hide in the bathroom just to get 2 seconds alone. Last night I laid in bed and came to realize, I stink at this whole motherhood thing! Truly! I am so selfish and just plain ole sinful in every way possible. I was feeling guilty about how inadequate my mothering skills were while I was single parenting this past week. After going thru all the "I should have" 's and "I shouldn't have" 's I realized, isn't this life in general not just in parenting? I went to shut down my computer after getting home from my coffee night with my amazing RH ladies, when I saw a Twitter friends tweet. She wrote "So tired of feeling like everybody else has it together & i don't in all areas of life.. Not to mention the time to freakin blog abt it!" I don't know about all you other moms, but I feel like this so often. I stalk tons of blogs, most that make me feel this way almost every time I read their posts because all they talk about is how wonderful and joyous their life and their family is. When I start feeling the "I wish I was more like her" feelings, I have to remind myself they are not who I need to compare myself to. Even they are sinful. I'm sure even they lose their cool once in a while. I am so thankful that the only One I have to compare myself to knew that I would never compare to Him so paid the ultimate sacrifice for me so that even though I don't compare to Him, and even though I don't deserve to come before Him with my requests, to fall into His arms during hard times, to be a part of His family I can because of His sacrifice! Oh, how blessed I am to know that! He knows I stink at motherhood! But He has promised me that He will intercede on my behalf, that He will walk me thru life even motherhood. So as I struggle thru my days (yes, alot of the time it is a struggle), as I try so hard to be patient and homeschool Braden, as I try so hard to be patient and keep up with Tanner and his "Why in the world would a person do something like that" tactics, and as I try so hard to be patient and try to figure out this whole "I don't like my brother Tanner so I'm gonna take every chance I get to grunt at him, push him, and hit him" phase that Nya is going thru, I know without a shadow of a doubt that my Savior is standing right beside me pouring out strength to get me thru it all, and most days He gives me some reassurance so I can think to myself "See, He's helping me do some good in them!" :-)

4 years ago today this handsome bundle of energy entered our world!



(1 day old)








Due to a scheduled c-section, his entrance into this world was an easy, scheduled, & uneventful one unlike the little person he has become.









(1 year old)

He is our vibrant, energetic, industrious child.
He never fails at making a day fun, busy, & full of unexpected events. My life would not be complete without my Tan Man!
(3 years old)

(2 years old)








Happy birthday Tanner Jonathan Julio Cousineau! We love you so much!

A year ago at this very time, I had no idea what was coming. It was the day I had been waiting for for 2 1/2 years! I can remember it all (you can read about it if you click on "all") like it was yesterday. Click here to see the video that shows the excitement that was had....

This process had a lot of ups and downs, but just like pregnancy, labor, and delivery no matter how hard it was and how painful it was I still can't wait to do it all over again. To wait so long for a little someone, and to be able to finally put a little face to the one we had prayed for for so long is such a blessing! Here are the pictures that made me fall head over heals for my sweet baby girl. How far she's come! How big she's gotten! I love this sweet girl with all my heart!

1 is different this time.....

Our sweet Nya Cicilia Jennifer is one today. When we saw her little face in that first picture never did I imagine that I would be holding this precious baby girl in my arms for her birthday. I feel so blessed not to have missed this day. The kids turning one has always been important to me, but this time, with Nya, it's a bit different. Usually at this point on their day, I'm remembering back... at this time I was only having light contractions.... at this time they were strong, I was petrified, and begging for drugs ;-) I know the exact time my precious boys entered this world.... With Nya all I can do is wonder. Was she born already at this time in Ug anda? Was she born early like I feel she was? Was Bio-Momma in labor for a while? Were there complications? The questions keep spinning. I'm trying to keep myself from crying not knowing. Is Bio-Momma missing her sweet baby? Is she thinking about this day a year ago? Oh, how I wish I had all the answers. It will be even harder when Nya is old enough to wonder and ask about it and I can't tell her anything because this Momma doesn't know anything. I can tell her how thankful I am for Bio-Momma. I can tell my Nya that Bio-Momma left us the most precious little blessing that day. I will tell her that Bio-Momma could have chosen to end my sweet little Nya's life, but instead chose to bring her into this world.
Nya will always know how thankful I am to Bio-Momma. Nya will always know how much I love Bio-Momma for all she did. Even though it wasn't done in God's original plan for a Momma and her daughter, it was God's plan to bring Bio-Momma to the right place at the right time so our Nya would get to the right place to be matched and placed with our specific family. My prayer today is that if Bio-Momma is thinking about her baby girl that God will allow her to know that Nya is safe, happy, and being cared for on her special day. My prayer for the rest of Nya's years will be that she won't take Bio-Momma for granted, that she would always remember Bio-Momma decided to give her life and because of that this Momma will be able to enjoy the life Bio-Momma brought into this world.

Happy birthday Sweet Girl! Momma loves you so much it hurts sometimes..... The earliest picture of our baby girl that we have.

The picture that introduced us to our Nya. (referral picture)

Our baby girl now! What a difference love and her own family makes!

Deserving of the honor & recognition.....

Without this man my life would be so incredibly different.


I would not be as close to my Savior as I am since this man encourages my walk with Christ. I see how much he loves my Savior. His love for Him makes me want the same thing.

I would not be becoming a "Pastor's Wife". Our family will be planting a church at the beginning of 2012. The one thing I swore up & down I would never be is a "Pastor's Wife". God's funny like that :-) (God's still preparing me for this one)

These 2 would not be in the picture. I grew up telling my mother I would NEVER have biological children. Once I married this gorgeous man, there was no way I was going to deny this world more of his genes ;-)

I would never have gone on my first mission trip. This man was the only reason why I signed up to go to Ecuador in 1999. I left on that plane excited to spend 2 weeks with him, but God knew the outcome would be a total change of my heart, life, & an immense love for orphans & vulnerable children .
(This picture is not of my 1st trip in 1999, but of some of my Ecuadorian peanuts I love so much.)

That mission trip gave both this man & I a strong passion for adoption which brought these precious girls into our lives. Though only 1 is with us now, we still feel blessed to be able to care for one & praying constantly for the other.

Joshua David Cousineau, you are a godly man of God, an AMAZING husband, a loving, fun, & totally involved father, & a wonderful leader of our family. You deserve to be honored & recognized today! I am & will be forever thankful to our Father for putting us together to walk this journey of life side by side. I love you so much!