I May Have A Control Issue

It's been over a year & a half now since Josh & I started the adoption process. Going into it, I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but, boy, I sure didn't know how extremely difficult it was going to be. Sure, the paperwork is tedious, tiring, never-ending. Having someone come into your home to decide whether you're "capable of parenting" after parenting for over 3 years already, was a little different as well. The waiting is a little trying, too, but the thing I've found most difficult is the control.... In the world of adoption, you have none! When you're pregnant, you at least have that sense of somewhat protecting your child since they're living in you & taking over your body. I have no way to care for or protect my little girls. It kills me! It kills me to think about what they're living right now while their brothers sleep in their own comfy beds in their own rooms w/ filled little tummies. The only thing getting me threw all of this is knowing that my heavenly Father loves them even more than I can imagine. He has them wrapped in His arms protecting them. I pray every night that God will give them a sense that there is a family fighting for them. I use to read about adopted mothers telling their children "you didn't grow in my tummy, but you grew in my heart." I don't think you can really get that statement until you've gone threw this process. I never imagined having this much love for 2 little girls I've never met, seen, I don't even know their names yet, but they're my little girls. As we further into this process, my love for them grows stronger & stronger. I can't even imagine what I'm going to do when I finally have them in my arms. When I got word from our adoption agency that Ugandan adoption was put on hold, I was devastated. I cried a little.... ok, I cried ALOT! but again I have no control. I have no control over our government. I have no control over the Ugandan government, but my God does. My God moves mountains, & this is only a tiny speed bump to Him. This just gives Him time to show me once again that He is in control, not me :-) He never fails us. He keeps amazing us & providing for us. We were given a $1,000 grant about 2 weeks ago & we received a call today that we've received a $5,000 interest free adoption loan. Of course, as soon as I got off the phone with the agency, I automatically thought "Well alot of good that's going to do us when we can't even adopt right now." Shame on me!!!! What I should've thought & now am thinking is, "God, how wonderful! Now we're so close that when You do open the doors back up in Uganda, we'll be ready!"
So all that to say, please keep praying for our family & for God to move mountains & open up the doors again for Ugandan adoptions. It seems so untouchable to me, but to Him it's nothing. Thank you to all of you that have been walking this journey with us. You're prayers & encouragement mean alot to us. It's prayers that are getting us through this.....

Please pray!!! Ugandan adoptions on hold....

Please join w/ me in some strong prayer! I received an email last night from our adoption agency telling us that Ugandan adoptions were put on hold. Apparently the US is not pleased w/ the wording the Ugandan judges are using to grant guardianship to US citizens. I'm not completely sure exactly what is going on. This will affect our adoption, but more importantly there are families there in Uganda right now who have guardianship of these Ugandan children, but are not being allowed to leave w/ them. Their own children & our government is saying they can't leave w/ them! This is very upsetting, but I know God can change those embassy workers' hearts. If we all join together in prayer miracles can happen..... Please pray hard!!!