I keep trying to wake myself up. I'm begging God to help this all be a huge nightmare that I'm going to wake up from any time now.....
I got a call today that I never imagined I would get. A man has come into the picture claiming to be Lil J's father. He is proceeding in the court to prove he is her father & that is capable of parenting her. Our little girl is being taken away from us & I can't do anything to stop it. My heart is shattered. I'm sad, angry, confused..... I don't even know what to do with myself. I keep praying that God's will will be done, but I'm so afraid His will is not mine. I know God loves my baby girl more than I can even imagine. I know He has a plan for her little life. I know He'll protect her, but that's not making this any easier on me. We are proceeding with Nya's paperwork. It will be sent to Ug.anda next week sometime so it won't be long til we go to pick our sweet baby Nya up, but I'm going to have a huge whole in my heart going into this. Oh, how I absolutely LOVE Nya & am so excited to go finally get her, but I wasn't just suppose to go get her.... She was suppose to have a sister. I was suppose to have 2 baby girls in my arms flying back to the states with me. We're keeping Lil J's case open so that if anything does happen we will continue on trying to get her home, but as of now just 1 of our 2 baby girls will be coming home with us..........
I wish God could send me an email just telling me why.........It's not fair! I don't understand all this, but I have to keep the faith that His plan is perfect. Please keep Lil J in your prayers. That God's will will be done in her little life & that He will protect her.....
Friday, January 21, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
I am so ready for 2011!
Usually I'm not so anxious to start a new year, but I can't control my excitement to finally see 2011 roll in! I am praying 2011 is the year God chooses to finally make me a Mommy of 4. I feel God is really starting to prepare all of us here, I'm praying He's doing the same for our munchkins in Ug@nda as well. I'm starting to get more of a peace about leaving the boys for so long. It's still hard to think about being away from them for a long period of time, but the heart numbing feeling I use to get is not as strong anymore. It's becoming overtaken by the excitement of thinking about finally having our baby girls in my arms & finalizing this journey. He's still working on the flying part I think. The thought of being up in the air for hours upon hours still makes me vomit a bit in my mouth, but that can be treated w/ LOTS of Tylenol PM on the flight I'm hoping :-). The boys are getting more & more excited to meet their little sisters. Braden talks about them quite a bit & prays for them every night. He's even requested a picture of them of his own to be put in his room so he can see them all the time :-). Tanner, I think, is starting to understand a little more what is going on. He keeps asking "When my sissies come?". I've been slipping in the fact to them that Mommy & Daddy will have to be far away for a little while to get their sisters, but that Daddy will be back before they know it, & then they can all come pick their Uncle Johnny, sisters, & Mommy up from the big airplane. Braden's just excited to see the big airplane, & Tanner tells me it's ok if I go, but Daddy needs to stay with him :-). They both say they want to come with us until I inform them on how many shots Daddy & Mommy have to get in order to go. They decide staying with Bammy & Lilly sounds a lot more fun than multiple shots :-).
This time of waiting now is harder than I imagined. Finally knowing their little faces, their names, their stories, knowing they're our little girls but not having them here with their family doesn't seem fair to me. My thoughts wander throughout the day wondering what they are doing. If Nya was held & cuddled while she was fed her bottle, or if it was just propped up on a pillow for a quick fix? If Lil J was given any special attention, or if she just played in the corner all by herself all day? The home the girls are in is extremely nice, and the "aunties" are wonderful, but it's still not the same as them being here with their forever family. I'm praying for some major peace & patience during this time of waiting.
For all of you who regularly pray for us, our girls, & our process, I do have some specifics for some upcoming events......
*Courts open back up on Jan. 7 over there. There will be 3 new people added to seeing cases like ours. (There has only been 1 in the past) Please pray that this will quicken everyone's process there, & that it will help us get to the girls faster. We were told to be prepared to travel in March. I'm not getting my hopes up, but praying fervently that this will help us get to them sooner than March.... Not holding my breath though :-/
*Pray that God will keep preparing all 6 of us for travel/transitions/bonding/etc.
*We're working on some more fundraisers. We thought we were good for the rest of the process, but that was before my stupidity & lack of being able to read :-/ I didn't read some fees right so we are now a little behind funds-wise. Please pray that we can pull the fundraisers together & that we'll be all set when it's time to travel.
I want to thank everyone for your prayers & support. We don't take for granted the community God has blessed us with during this journey. You guys have helped us get through all of this. Thank you so much!
This time of waiting now is harder than I imagined. Finally knowing their little faces, their names, their stories, knowing they're our little girls but not having them here with their family doesn't seem fair to me. My thoughts wander throughout the day wondering what they are doing. If Nya was held & cuddled while she was fed her bottle, or if it was just propped up on a pillow for a quick fix? If Lil J was given any special attention, or if she just played in the corner all by herself all day? The home the girls are in is extremely nice, and the "aunties" are wonderful, but it's still not the same as them being here with their forever family. I'm praying for some major peace & patience during this time of waiting.
For all of you who regularly pray for us, our girls, & our process, I do have some specifics for some upcoming events......
*Courts open back up on Jan. 7 over there. There will be 3 new people added to seeing cases like ours. (There has only been 1 in the past) Please pray that this will quicken everyone's process there, & that it will help us get to the girls faster. We were told to be prepared to travel in March. I'm not getting my hopes up, but praying fervently that this will help us get to them sooner than March.... Not holding my breath though :-/
*Pray that God will keep preparing all 6 of us for travel/transitions/bonding/etc.
*We're working on some more fundraisers. We thought we were good for the rest of the process, but that was before my stupidity & lack of being able to read :-/ I didn't read some fees right so we are now a little behind funds-wise. Please pray that we can pull the fundraisers together & that we'll be all set when it's time to travel.
I want to thank everyone for your prayers & support. We don't take for granted the community God has blessed us with during this journey. You guys have helped us get through all of this. Thank you so much!
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