Tired

So.... I'm here to tell you all I'M TIRED!!!! I've been having a rough time since I last posted. I've been trying to pretend that everything was cool, good, great.....but frankly it's not! After venting to a very wonderful, godly, & extremely important woman in my life today, I was reminded that I don't have to like all this. I don't have to like the fact that we are almost 2 yrs into this adoption process and still don't even know what our girls look like yet. I don't have to like the fact that out of the 2.4 million orphans in Uganda our agency has told us it will probably be quite a wait to even get a referral for 1 girl let alone 2. I don't have to like the end of each day when we time & time again don't get any word from our agency. I don't have to like the fact that we now have a room for our girls that sits lonely & empty. I don't have to like the fact that we have room & love available in our hearts & home & still God isn't sending us our girls.... I was asked today, "Did Jesus like the cross? Did He like the garden? Did He like any of the passion week?" My answer was obviously no. If my Savior didn't like the HUGE task set before Him, I don't think God is expecting me to like all He has planned for me & my family. So I'm telling the truth now when I say I don't like this whole adoption process. It's hard. It's tiring. It's emotional. It's time consuming, but I'm planning on doing it again after this one is done :-) I'm planning on doing it again until we've run out of money & room, but then God could just provide us with more money & a bigger house over & over again. I thank God for this opportunity He's given Josh & I, for this task He has set before us, but I don't like it completely. I do know everything is done for a reason. I know that our girls aren't with us right now b/c of something, whether it be He thinks I'm not quite ready to handle 4 children (don't know if I ever will be), whether He thinks the boys couldn't handle the transition of everything yet, whether He needs time to work on family members heart to except the "difference" adoption is bringing into our family, I don't know what it is, but I need to remember that God loves me, loves my family, loves our girls & He knows what's best for all of us. I know that when this is all said & done we will be able to wrap our arms around our little girls & they will bring such happiness & blessings to our family. I'm praying that through our adoption, God will open other families eyes & hearts to adoption & will call them to adopt as well. I know that above all God's name will be glorified through all of this!!!
Please keep praying for me & our family as we struggle through the (hopefully) last stages of this process.....

1 Month & Waiting.............

So today marks 1 month since we were officially put on the referral list. As I think about it, there is a wave of emotions. I don't even know how many times I thanked God last night for making this month go by so quickly. It doesn't even feel like we've been waiting for a referral for a month. But then I turn to my motherly part of thinking. A month is huge in a mother's world. In 1 month, a baby has a chance to start smiling, sitting up on their own, crawling, walking, their 1st tooth could pop through, they could say their 1st word, wave "hi" or "bye" for the 1st time, go on the "big kid" potty for the 1st time...... all of these are HUGE in a mother's world, and all i can keep thinking about as this time passes by is I'm missing 1 if not all of my little girls' 1st's. Almost every morning I wake up & think how wonderful it will be to hear 4 sets of feet running around the livingroom dancing to the Imagination Movers (no I'm not crazy! As crazy as my boys are, I am anxious to be a Mom of 4!). My hope is that as I sit cuddling w/ my boys that God is doing the same w/ my girls. My prayer is that April 9 - May 9 will go by just as quickly as March 9 - April 9 did. Thanks for waiting w/ us. Thanks for praying for us. Please keep praying the issues in Uganda will be resolved & that God will keep overflowing patience onto me.