This past week my hubby's been MIA due to the LEAD11 conference that was put on at EABC. I came to the conclusion that I was not meant to be a stay-at-home single Momma. I'll be the first to admit, I am so not a perfect Mom. I lose my cool. I yell at times. I hide in the bathroom just to get 2 seconds alone. Last night I laid in bed and came to realize, I stink at this whole motherhood thing! Truly! I am so selfish and just plain ole sinful in every way possible. I was feeling guilty about how inadequate my mothering skills were while I was single parenting this past week. After going thru all the "I should have" 's and "I shouldn't have" 's I realized, isn't this life in general not just in parenting? I went to shut down my computer after getting home from my coffee night with my amazing RH ladies, when I saw a Twitter friends tweet. She wrote "So tired of feeling like everybody else has it together & i don't in all areas of life.. Not to mention the time to freakin blog abt it!" I don't know about all you other moms, but I feel like this so often. I stalk tons of blogs, most that make me feel this way almost every time I read their posts because all they talk about is how wonderful and joyous their life and their family is. When I start feeling the "I wish I was more like her" feelings, I have to remind myself they are not who I need to compare myself to. Even they are sinful. I'm sure even they lose their cool once in a while. I am so thankful that the only One I have to compare myself to knew that I would never compare to Him so paid the ultimate sacrifice for me so that even though I don't compare to Him, and even though I don't deserve to come before Him with my requests, to fall into His arms during hard times, to be a part of His family I can because of His sacrifice! Oh, how blessed I am to know that! He knows I stink at motherhood! But He has promised me that He will intercede on my behalf, that He will walk me thru life even motherhood. So as I struggle thru my days (yes, alot of the time it is a struggle), as I try so hard to be patient and homeschool Braden, as I try so hard to be patient and keep up with Tanner and his "Why in the world would a person do something like that" tactics, and as I try so hard to be patient and try to figure out this whole "I don't like my brother Tanner so I'm gonna take every chance I get to grunt at him, push him, and hit him" phase that Nya is going thru, I know without a shadow of a doubt that my Savior is standing right beside me pouring out strength to get me thru it all, and most days He gives me some reassurance so I can think to myself "See, He's helping me do some good in them!" :-)
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