Only by His grace.....

2012-01-06T09:13:00.004-05:00

So last night was the 1st time we had a teen babysit at bedtime. Our kids are major routine kids so I knew to expect the worse for this poor girl. When we arrived home at 10PM, the poor girl was sitting with our 6 yr old in the middle of the boys' room in nite lite light while our industrious 4 yr old sat at the drums drumming in anger. After many apologies and driving this poor girl (amazing babysitter I may add) home. I went to check on the boys' in their beds only to find them peacefully asleep. I sat at our 4 yr old's bed to pray, trying to hold back the anger I had over what I could only imagine what he put our poor sitter through. As I sat watching him sleep, I couldn't put aside the fact that I love that little guy so much. He gets into things he knows he shouldn't. He does things the second after we tell him not to. He is just plain ole naughty and sinful. I hear people say to me many times, "I don't know how you do it with him.". Truthfully, I don't either, but I know no matter what he does, and no matter what he gets into, my love for him will never change. He is my child that God entrusted to me. God formed that little boy in my body for 9 months. Isn't it amazing to think that Christ feels that way towards us, yet 1,000 times stronger. When we enter into His family, there is nothing that will brake His love for us. It's easier for me to forgive my little Tan Man for the wrong he does, when I think of all the wrong I've done towards my Father, but yet He still accepts and loves me unconditionally. Parenting is so hard, but when I can look to my perfect Father, it makes it so much easier. Thankful for the example I have in Him to raise my little blessings.....

The LONG journey finally ends!

2011-12-06T12:04:00.005-05:00

It's only taken us 3 1/2 years to get to this day....What a very long and tiring 3 1/2 years it has been. I look back on it all, and truly think only by God's grace and strength did I get thru this all and will heal from it only by Him. From agency and country changes, long waits, losing two precious sweet girls that we thought would be in our arms forever, to a long 5 weeks in Ug@nda, she's finally LEGALLY ours under heaven. She's been ours in our hearts since we saw her sweet little face on Nov. 2 last year. We've had legal guardianship of her since the judge said yes on Mar. 22 of this year in Ug@nda, but just today do we finally legally get to see her name as Nya Cicilia Jennifer COUSINEAU! What a blessing she is to our family. We so do not deserve the job to be her forever Mom and Dad, but God thought we were the only ones under heaven seen fit, and for that we will forever be thankful. This didn't all end how I would have planned it. There would have been two baby girls in our laps today, and as hard as it is for me to come to realization that that just wasn't God's plan right now, I sit in awe of my one beautiful brown skinned beauty, and am thankful that now I have the chance to teach this little girl what it's like to have a Father that no matter what you do, and no matter what you think, He knows what you need and will provide all the love, all the strength, and all the necessities she'll need to get thru this life.
I'll always wonder why He thought it would be a good idea to introduce us to our other two sweet little brown skinned beauties just to take them from us, but try to keep believing that His will is perfect. They will forever be in my heart. They will forever be in my prayers every night. When I think of "my girls" their little faces will always pop up in my head. They will always be a part of our family even though they don't live under the same roof as the rest of us. I don't know when the pain of losing them will ever get better, but for now I thank God for making us the Fab 5..... for now ;-)

My baby is 6 today!

2011-11-29T08:04:00.018-05:00

(Labor)
6 years ago my life totally changed. Up until I got pregnant for Braden, I was dead set against growing a child in my body. I only wanted to adopt.

(Just born) I am so glad I changed my mind!

Braden's entrance into the world was not pleasant, to put it lightly, but he brought so much joy and laughter into my life.
(1 year old)

He has a heart of gold! Doing whatever he can whenever he can to help anyone. Never wanting his brother to be punished and always trying so hard to make life fair so our little world stays as peaceful as possible.
(2 years old)

He's passionate about everything he does, sometimes a little too much :-)

(3 years old)

We are hoping to fulfill his wishes soon of "Going to Uganda to help the kids with no Mommy and Daddies." and "Having lots more brothers and sisters. Some adopted and some in Mommy's belly." (We'll see about that whole "in Mommy's belly" thing....)
(4 years old)

He has more love and faith in our Savior than I could ever imagine having, and prays likes he's been a preacher for 20 years. He's our little evangelist, always asking if so & so knows Christ, and if we say we're not sure, he prays for them immediately.
(5 years old)

Braden Nathaniel Oscar Cousineau, I am so proud of the little man God is shaping you to be. I can't wait to see what He has planned for your future (Mommy's praying it goes very slowly though). You are such a blessing in my life! Daddy & Mommy love you so incredibly much! Happy 6th birthday Braden Boy!

Motherhood.....I'm not cut out for this

2011-11-15T08:29:00.003-05:00

This past week my hubby's been MIA due to the LEAD11 conference that was put on at EABC. I came to the conclusion that I was not meant to be a stay-at-home single Momma. I'll be the first to admit, I am so not a perfect Mom. I lose my cool. I yell at times. I hide in the bathroom just to get 2 seconds alone. Last night I laid in bed and came to realize, I stink at this whole motherhood thing! Truly! I am so selfish and just plain ole sinful in every way possible. I was feeling guilty about how inadequate my mothering skills were while I was single parenting this past week. After going thru all the "I should have" 's and "I shouldn't have" 's I realized, isn't this life in general not just in parenting? I went to shut down my computer after getting home from my coffee night with my amazing RH ladies, when I saw a Twitter friends tweet. She wrote "So tired of feeling like everybody else has it together & i don't in all areas of life.. Not to mention the time to freakin blog abt it!" I don't know about all you other moms, but I feel like this so often. I stalk tons of blogs, most that make me feel this way almost every time I read their posts because all they talk about is how wonderful and joyous their life and their family is. When I start feeling the "I wish I was more like her" feelings, I have to remind myself they are not who I need to compare myself to. Even they are sinful. I'm sure even they lose their cool once in a while. I am so thankful that the only One I have to compare myself to knew that I would never compare to Him so paid the ultimate sacrifice for me so that even though I don't compare to Him, and even though I don't deserve to come before Him with my requests, to fall into His arms during hard times, to be a part of His family I can because of His sacrifice! Oh, how blessed I am to know that! He knows I stink at motherhood! But He has promised me that He will intercede on my behalf, that He will walk me thru life even motherhood. So as I struggle thru my days (yes, alot of the time it is a struggle), as I try so hard to be patient and homeschool Braden, as I try so hard to be patient and keep up with Tanner and his "Why in the world would a person do something like that" tactics, and as I try so hard to be patient and try to figure out this whole "I don't like my brother Tanner so I'm gonna take every chance I get to grunt at him, push him, and hit him" phase that Nya is going thru, I know without a shadow of a doubt that my Savior is standing right beside me pouring out strength to get me thru it all, and most days He gives me some reassurance so I can think to myself "See, He's helping me do some good in them!" :-)

2011-11-05T16:22:00.028-04:00

4 years ago today this handsome bundle of energy entered our world!

(1 day old)

Due to a scheduled c-section, his entrance into this world was an easy, scheduled, & uneventful one unlike the little person he has become.

(1 year old)

He is our vibrant, energetic, industrious child.
He never fails at making a day fun, busy, & full of unexpected events. My life would not be complete without my Tan Man!
(3 years old)

(2 years old)

Happy birthday Tanner Jonathan Julio Cousineau! We love you so much!

2011-11-02T07:17:00.013-04:00

A year ago at this very time, I had no idea what was coming. It was the day I had been waiting for for 2 1/2 years! I can remember it all (you can read about it if you click on "all") like it was yesterday. Click here to see the video that shows the excitement that was had....

This process had a lot of ups and downs, but just like pregnancy, labor, and delivery no matter how hard it was and how painful it was I still can't wait to do it all over again. To wait so long for a little someone, and to be able to finally put a little face to the one we had prayed for for so long is such a blessing! Here are the pictures that made me fall head over heals for my sweet baby girl. How far she's come! How big she's gotten! I love this sweet girl with all my heart!

1 is different this time.....

2011-08-02T07:06:00.009-04:00

Our sweet Nya Cicilia Jennifer is one today. When we saw her little face in that first picture never did I imagine that I would be holding this precious baby girl in my arms for her birthday. I feel so blessed not to have missed this day. The kids turning one has always been important to me, but this time, with Nya, it's a bit different. Usually at this point on their day, I'm remembering back... at this time I was only having light contractions.... at this time they were strong, I was petrified, and begging for drugs ;-) I know the exact time my precious boys entered this world.... With Nya all I can do is wonder. Was she born already at this time in Ug anda? Was she born early like I feel she was? Was Bio-Momma in labor for a while? Were there complications? The questions keep spinning. I'm trying to keep myself from crying not knowing. Is Bio-Momma missing her sweet baby? Is she thinking about this day a year ago? Oh, how I wish I had all the answers. It will be even harder when Nya is old enough to wonder and ask about it and I can't tell her anything because this Momma doesn't know anything. I can tell her how thankful I am for Bio-Momma. I can tell my Nya that Bio-Momma left us the most precious little blessing that day. I will tell her that Bio-Momma could have chosen to end my sweet little Nya's life, but instead chose to bring her into this world.
Nya will always know how thankful I am to Bio-Momma. Nya will always know how much I love Bio-Momma for all she did. Even though it wasn't done in God's original plan for a Momma and her daughter, it was God's plan to bring Bio-Momma to the right place at the right time so our Nya would get to the right place to be matched and placed with our specific family. My prayer today is that if Bio-Momma is thinking about her baby girl that God will allow her to know that Nya is safe, happy, and being cared for on her special day. My prayer for the rest of Nya's years will be that she won't take Bio-Momma for granted, that she would always remember Bio-Momma decided to give her life and because of that this Momma will be able to enjoy the life Bio-Momma brought into this world.

Happy birthday Sweet Girl! Momma loves you so much it hurts sometimes..... The earliest picture of our baby girl that we have.

The picture that introduced us to our Nya. (referral picture)

Our baby girl now! What a difference love and her own family makes!

Deserving of the honor & recognition.....

2011-06-19T08:32:00.013-04:00

Without this man my life would be so incredibly different.

I would not be as close to my Savior as I am since this man encourages my walk with Christ. I see how much he loves my Savior. His love for Him makes me want the same thing.

I would not be becoming a "Pastor's Wife". Our family will be planting a church at the beginning of 2012. The one thing I swore up & down I would never be is a "Pastor's Wife". God's funny like that :-) (God's still preparing me for this one)

These 2 would not be in the picture. I grew up telling my mother I would NEVER have biological children. Once I married this gorgeous man, there was no way I was going to deny this world more of his genes ;-)

I would never have gone on my first mission trip. This man was the only reason why I signed up to go to Ecuador in 1999. I left on that plane excited to spend 2 weeks with him, but God knew the outcome would be a total change of my heart, life, & an immense love for orphans & vulnerable children .
(This picture is not of my 1st trip in 1999, but of some of my Ecuadorian peanuts I love so much.)

That mission trip gave both this man & I a strong passion for adoption which brought these precious girls into our lives. Though only 1 is with us now, we still feel blessed to be able to care for one & praying constantly for the other.

Joshua David Cousineau, you are a godly man of God, an AMAZING husband, a loving, fun, & totally involved father, & a wonderful leader of our family. You deserve to be honored & recognized today! I am & will be forever thankful to our Father for putting us together to walk this journey of life side by side. I love you so much!

2 1/2 weeks home..... Happiness vs. Heartache

2011-04-27T12:09:00.004-04:00

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since Miss Nya and I have been home. She has adjusted insanely well! The boys still love her even after 2 1/2 weeks. We'll see what happens after she's been here a few months, starts getting around, and taking their things :-). She seems to be bonded well with me and Josh. When she's scared, nervous, or just plain moody she seems to be comforted with us. She loves me wearing her in the wrap or sling. She is not enjoying when I put her down or leave the room these days. It still feels like a dream having her here. We waited almost 3 years for a baby girl to be sleeping in that crib! It's hard to believe there finally is, every night! These 2 1/2 weeks have been a mix of emotions for me. Coming back to a life I was lived without for 5 weeks was challenging for me. Coming back from having one child for 5 weeks to three children was hard. Feeling I didn't know my boys anymore was devastating. I have overcome those, but am still struggling with one. I want to specify how incredibly happy and blessed I feel to finally have our sweet baby Nya here with us. She & the process to her has brought me so much closer to my Savior than I could have ever imagined. She brings such joy to our family, but there is still a hole. I can't even explain the emotions I had this morning going thru Nya's closet and finding all the clothes I had put aside to pack for Lil J, or to see her little toddler bed tucked away in the back of the closet, to see the one toy of the pair I bought for our girls not being played with by her. I keep trying to tell myself, He has a reason why I only came home with one. I know He has a plan for our Lil J. I struggle with knowing that plan wasn't to be in our family. I keep struggling with silly things like whether I should take her picture off of our livingroom wall or not. It hurts my heart so badly to see her little face on our wall, but not in my arms.
The purpose of this post was to update everyone on how Nya is doing in her forever home (AMAZING), but also ask you all to be in prayer for me as I deal with this struggle. I'm still asking God how I can miss, love, & be so brokenhearted over a sweet little girl I never even met. I'm struggling to find my joy in Him instead of those 2 little feet I thought were suppose to be running around in my house...... so please, if you think of it, keep me in your prayers.....
Again, we are so thankful for everything you all have done for our family thru this whole process, from finacial help, shower gifts, meals while I was away, cleaning my house, and just listening when we needed people to listen, we are so grateful! Thank you!

A bit about this day....

2011-04-04T13:26:00.002-04:00

So the day started for us at about 12:30AM. Nya would not stop screaming. Nothing was working for her. She didn't want me to hold her, she didn't want me to put her down, she wouldn't sleep in bed w/ me, she had no clue what she wanted. I noticed John was still awake so I went downstairs to ask Fiona (a girl that works for Bridge Africa, which runs the home we stay at) what she thought I should do. As soon as we hit light, I noticed the right side of her face was quite swollen so I called up our wonderful friend Bill Legere to find out his thoughts then told Fiona we needed to bring Nya somewhere to get checked. We contacted a driver & headed to a 24hr clinic. Luckily it was the clinic that Nya's baby home brings all the children to so they had a chart for her already. I told them I had given her some tylenol because she had a fever earlier so they took her right away to be tested for malaria. She tested negative for the malaria thank God, but did in fact have an ear infection. They gave her some antibiotics & told me to come back if she didn't get better. Are you ready for the cost of the visit & medicine? 9,000 shillings which is $4.00 - $4.50. I am not even kidding! So we returned back to the house at about 1:30AM. Nya finally fell asleep about 10 min. after I gave her the first dose of antibiotics & only woke up once for her bottle.
I woke up at about 7:00AM to prepare for the embassy. We had 1 more piece of paperwork that our lawyer didn't include in our "passport packet" that was needed for our embassy meeting so he told me to text him when I was on my way to the embassy so one of his workers could meet me with it. The 2 other couples & all our 5 kids loaded up in the van to head out when Nya decided it would be the best time to vomit her ENTIRE bottle she had just eaten mins. before loading up all over me. Back into the house Nya & I went. I quickly changed while John changed Nya. We finally got on the road & headed to the embassy. We got to the embassy & waited for the lawyers runner to bring me the paper. My phone rang, & surprise it was my lawyer. I asked him if someone was on their way, & he informed me that he could not find this piece of paper. This piece of paper that was the last thing I needed to go beg for an appointment today. He said he would keep looking for it & if he couldn't find it he would make a new one & let me know when it was available. I'm pretty sure my blood was boiling at this point! We went about our day which included nothing that anything of us had planned. My lawyer called me about 3hrs later to tell me he had the form & was going to send it with the couple that was with him for court that is staying at the same home I am at. I said that was fine seeing as it was way too late for the embassy to even see me at this point. He called me again about 2hrs later to inform me that he forgot to send it with the couple so he would have someone meet me Wed. morning at the embassy before my meeting. OMW! Really? So we got back to the house. Me, having no fight left in me, spoke with Josh who made the decision for us to go directly to our lawyers asap to pick it up myself.
We now have all the paperwork we need for our meeting on Wed. (I hope) Nya is feeling much better & I am at peace with the fact that God wants me here in Ug@nda for a few more days than I would like, but so looking forward to being back into my husband's arms & having my 2 little guys back into my arms.
I am loving your prayers & support & cannot wait to see everyone very soon!

A long awaited update....

2011-03-23T04:41:00.003-04:00

I first want to apologize for just now giving an update on the blog over 2 weeks into the trip. I knew lots of people were having issues signing in to read it so I just figured I'd wait til I could put it public again.
Nya is adjusting surprisingly well. I seriously didn't expect her to connect & attach to me as quickly as she did. I'm sure a storm can happen at any time after this smooth calm, but for now she's doing great with her Momma :-) She likes to be with me or attached to me. When someone else is holding her, she makes sure I'm in her sight & then she can have fun with that person. I can see the progression every time we return to the baby home. All the times at the beginning we would go visit the Auntie's & she would smile & reach for them right a way. Today was a different story. She was in my Moby wrap & all the Auntie's would talk to her, but she would just look at them & then look at me & hold on really tight to my arms. You can tell it makes them a little sad. I feel sad for them! They've loved her & cared for her her whole 7 months of life, and now she either doesn't recognize them or is fearful that I will leave her with them. It just doesn't seem fair. I will forever be grateful for the love they gave her. It's because of them that it was so easy for her to love me & attach to me I feel. She knew how to love because of them.
Our ruling yesterday was interesting. We went into the court house & met a family there that had an appt at 10AM & were still waiting when we got there at 11:45. We were a little nervous the judge either wouldn't see us b/c he was behind or Josh would have to leave before we heard the ruling to get to the airport. God, pulled it all together & we were in for the ruling only about an hour later than planned. I told Josh I was going to try to hold back the sobbing if I actually heard what we've been waiting for 3 years to hear. As we sat down, we heard the judge say to our lawyer, "Well, we have a problem..." I think both Josh & my heart dropped at that moment. Come to find out his printer wasn't working so the problem was that he would have to read the ruling off his computer as opposed to reading it off paper... we'll take that problem :-) He started reading off all of Nya's case for about 5-10 minutes then came to the end to say "I see fit that the applicants, Joshua & Anna Cousineau be granted legal guardianship of this child." Yeah that's all I needed & the tears came pouring. His clerk in the office kept watching me. I'm pretty sure she just likes to watch the Mzungus cry :-)
It was hard to send Josh off. I wish he could have stayed with us, but I know how happy the boys will be to finally see him. God worked miraculously to allow Jon to come travel to be with Nya & I for the rest of the trip. We actually were debating on rather or not we would have him come, but God made that decision for us & how happy & grateful I am for it! He'll hopefully be coming on Thur. or Fri. Josh just left last night & I'm already anxious to have family with me.
We have our embassy meeting on Mon. @ 2PM so 7AM your time. Please be praying that we have all the paperwork that is needed & that it is all done correctly so we can head home the end of next week. I am so anxious to love on my boys!!!
I'll be sad to leave here. I am in absolute love with this country. The people are amazing here, so friendly, helpful, & loving. I'm pretty sure this will not be our last trip here ;-) Hoping God has a plan in the making......
Thank you so much for all your prayers, emails, comments, etc. We cannot wait to introduce all you to our sweet baby girl!!!!!

It's Time!

2011-03-04T12:49:00.003-05:00

The time has finally come! We will be leaving for Ug@nda Sun. night to go get our sweet baby Nya! We will be arriving in Ug@anda at 11:45 PM Mon. night (Ug@nda time, 3:45PM your time). We're rushing to get things put together, finished, & completed before we go. I've been waiting for 2 1/2 yrs for this, but yet I feel as though it has rushed upon us. It's probably due to the "you need to leave in 4 days" situation.
We received an email yesterday that Lil J left with her dad in Jan. As I wanted so badly to meet her, I've also been asking God to limit the roller-coaster rider on the rest of this journey for me. I'm figuring this was His way of protecting me & getting me through that little part.
We will try to update this blog as much as possible while we're in Ug@nda. I'm not 100% sure the internet is reliable there so I can't promise anything just that we'll try.

Things to pray for:

*Safe & uneventful travels for Josh & I (in the air & we also have about a 2hr drive once we get into Ug@nda to the place we will be staying at. This will be in the middle of the night so please pray for safety for that as well)

*For the boys. They will be in good hands, but we know they will miss us & be affected by this.

*For Bammy (Barb) who will be with the boys.

*For Nya (transitions, bonding etc....)

*For our court hearing which is scheduled for Mar. 10. (I'll update on the time when we find out)

Thank you so much for all your prayers! We're going to need them!

Update

2011-02-23T10:03:00.003-05:00

I just realized it's been a while since I've updated. We're still waiting for a court date. Our case was assigned to a judge about a week and half ago, then we received an email a few days later telling us that judge was moved out of family court so we were back to waiting for our case to be assigned to a judge yet again. With elections happening over there right now, we don't expect to hear anything this week or maybe not even next week either :-/
As far as we're concerned Lil J is still at the baby home. We were told we would be somewhat kept in the loop as things happen with her, but have heard absolutely nothing since the bad news that arrived about a month ago.
Nya is doing great. Growing slowly, but little by little. She's still 1 of the most beautiful little things that has come into my world. I can't even imagine & wait to hold her in my arms finally. I know I'll feel as though it's a dream once it actually happens. We're ready for her! I was given a baby shower a couple of weeks ago, & was blessed with everything we needed for our little Nya. Truthfully, we're ready for both our girls should God perform a miracle while we're there & get to bring them both home. I know, I'm not getting my hopes up, but definitely believe God has the power to make it happen.
So we wait...... yet again. The waiting gets harder & harder as time goes by, but through the impatience & struggles I still believe my Savior's timing is perfect & our sweet baby girl will be in our arms at the perfect time.....
A friend put it in the most perfect words in 1 of my shower cards that Nya is one of the most longed for & prayed for baby girl. She really is! It gives me so much peace knowing how many people are praying for both our girls. Thank you so much!

Can someone please wake me up......

2011-01-21T15:44:00.004-05:00

I keep trying to wake myself up. I'm begging God to help this all be a huge nightmare that I'm going to wake up from any time now.....
I got a call today that I never imagined I would get. A man has come into the picture claiming to be Lil J's father. He is proceeding in the court to prove he is her father & that is capable of parenting her. Our little girl is being taken away from us & I can't do anything to stop it. My heart is shattered. I'm sad, angry, confused..... I don't even know what to do with myself. I keep praying that God's will will be done, but I'm so afraid His will is not mine. I know God loves my baby girl more than I can even imagine. I know He has a plan for her little life. I know He'll protect her, but that's not making this any easier on me. We are proceeding with Nya's paperwork. It will be sent to Ug.anda next week sometime so it won't be long til we go to pick our sweet baby Nya up, but I'm going to have a huge whole in my heart going into this. Oh, how I absolutely LOVE Nya & am so excited to go finally get her, but I wasn't just suppose to go get her.... She was suppose to have a sister. I was suppose to have 2 baby girls in my arms flying back to the states with me. We're keeping Lil J's case open so that if anything does happen we will continue on trying to get her home, but as of now just 1 of our 2 baby girls will be coming home with us..........
I wish God could send me an email just telling me why.........It's not fair! I don't understand all this, but I have to keep the faith that His plan is perfect. Please keep Lil J in your prayers. That God's will will be done in her little life & that He will protect her.....

I am so ready for 2011!

2011-01-02T07:53:00.002-05:00

Usually I'm not so anxious to start a new year, but I can't control my excitement to finally see 2011 roll in! I am praying 2011 is the year God chooses to finally make me a Mommy of 4. I feel God is really starting to prepare all of us here, I'm praying He's doing the same for our munchkins in Ug@nda as well. I'm starting to get more of a peace about leaving the boys for so long. It's still hard to think about being away from them for a long period of time, but the heart numbing feeling I use to get is not as strong anymore. It's becoming overtaken by the excitement of thinking about finally having our baby girls in my arms & finalizing this journey. He's still working on the flying part I think. The thought of being up in the air for hours upon hours still makes me vomit a bit in my mouth, but that can be treated w/ LOTS of Tylenol PM on the flight I'm hoping :-). The boys are getting more & more excited to meet their little sisters. Braden talks about them quite a bit & prays for them every night. He's even requested a picture of them of his own to be put in his room so he can see them all the time :-). Tanner, I think, is starting to understand a little more what is going on. He keeps asking "When my sissies come?". I've been slipping in the fact to them that Mommy & Daddy will have to be far away for a little while to get their sisters, but that Daddy will be back before they know it, & then they can all come pick their Uncle Johnny, sisters, & Mommy up from the big airplane. Braden's just excited to see the big airplane, & Tanner tells me it's ok if I go, but Daddy needs to stay with him :-). They both say they want to come with us until I inform them on how many shots Daddy & Mommy have to get in order to go. They decide staying with Bammy & Lilly sounds a lot more fun than multiple shots :-).
This time of waiting now is harder than I imagined. Finally knowing their little faces, their names, their stories, knowing they're our little girls but not having them here with their family doesn't seem fair to me. My thoughts wander throughout the day wondering what they are doing. If Nya was held & cuddled while she was fed her bottle, or if it was just propped up on a pillow for a quick fix? If Lil J was given any special attention, or if she just played in the corner all by herself all day? The home the girls are in is extremely nice, and the "aunties" are wonderful, but it's still not the same as them being here with their forever family. I'm praying for some major peace & patience during this time of waiting.

For all of you who regularly pray for us, our girls, & our process, I do have some specifics for some upcoming events......

*Courts open back up on Jan. 7 over there. There will be 3 new people added to seeing cases like ours. (There has only been 1 in the past) Please pray that this will quicken everyone's process there, & that it will help us get to the girls faster. We were told to be prepared to travel in March. I'm not getting my hopes up, but praying fervently that this will help us get to them sooner than March.... Not holding my breath though :-/

*Pray that God will keep preparing all 6 of us for travel/transitions/bonding/etc.

*We're working on some more fundraisers. We thought we were good for the rest of the process, but that was before my stupidity & lack of being able to read :-/ I didn't read some fees right so we are now a little behind funds-wise. Please pray that we can pull the fundraisers together & that we'll be all set when it's time to travel.

I want to thank everyone for your prayers & support. We don't take for granted the community God has blessed us with during this journey. You guys have helped us get through all of this. Thank you so much!

After 9 months......

2010-12-22T19:43:00.005-05:00

It's been 9 months since we've been put on the referral list... 9 months! It's a little hard to believe, unless your, well, me.... Now finally after 2 yrs & almost 6 months of being in the adoption process, and 9 months & 12 days being on the referral list, we know who both of our sweet baby girls are!

We were told that we would be getting Lil J's referral on Dec. 16, last Thur. The day dwindled away when finally I emailed our case worker to find out what was going on. She informed me the scanner at the baby home in Ug@nda was down, & the manager wasn't able to scan & email all the documents for the referral so we were told "it will be in tomorrow". Then Fri. rolled around. We were informed yet again that the scanner was still down so we wouldn't be getting the referral until at least Mon. now. I got myself through the weekend with the hopes that come 10:00 or 11:00 on Mon. morning I would be staring at her beautiful face. I received a call on Mon. telling me that the manager had finally sent the referral emails, but they weren't going through. My hopes & attitude at this point were going downhill. I do have to admit, there were tons of "Lord, this really isn't fair anymore!", "God, are you seriously doing this to me?", "Why on earth are you making me wait yet again?" comments flying around in my head. Then another call arrived on Tue. telling us that our case worker wasn't able to get a hold of the manager at the baby home. Our case worker said this was her last day in the office for a while due to her going on vacation, but that she would keep in touch with me over the holidays if at all possible. I was bummed to say the least. Luckily, Josh surprised me with the news yesterday that he had the rest of the week off and would be home with us. My thought, he would be my support to help me get through this depressing week. Today was reaching noon, which is 8:00PM in Ug@nda, way pass working hours I was assuming. I had just received a text from 1 of my sisters asking if we had heard anything yet. I answered no yet again and went to sit with Tan man to watch a movie. Tanner was cuddled on my lap and as I was "doing tickles" (he loves being tickled :-) I just sat with him letting the tears pour down my face. I had had enough. I was tired, disappointed, angry, frustrated..... Then seriously the phone rang minutes after I started my pity party. I jumped up, ran into the kitchen, yelling to Josh "Who is it? Who is it? Who is it?" We had no idea the name it was on the caller id so I answered it. I was never so happy to hear our case worker's voice in my entire life! As soon as I said hello she yelled "We have the referral, Anna! It just came through!" I screamed! She probably will be enjoying her vacation as a deaf person now :-) She said she would start sending the emails through, and they came pouring into my inbox. Our Lil J is absolutely gorgeous! She is 2 yrs old. We're keeping her given name so we can't post it on here so in cyberland she'll be referred to as "Lil J" :-) My 1st thing I wanted to search for was her birthday. I had had a dream on Sept. 13, 2008 that I vividly remember to this day. I woke up in tears, and called my mom right away to tell her about it. I told a few other friends about this dream too so if anyone thinks I am lying you can ask around. I swear! Still giving me goosebumps!

In my dream, I walked into a very small house. There was a younger woman all by herself in labor. I looked around petrified. I couldn't believe this woman was doing this on her own, by herself. I went and sat next to her. I kept telling her it was going to be ok, that she could do this. She never talked to me just smiled a couple of times. She finally pushed the baby out. She wrapped the baby in a blanket, and held it for a minute then stood up, and put the baby in my arms. She walked out of the tiny house, but turned around and mouthed thank you to me and left. I was so angry when I woke up b/c I didn't see the baby's face or didn't figure out if it was a boy or girl, but truly felt God was allowing me to be a part of my child's birth. When we started the adoption process, that was the one thing I struggled with, knowing I wouldn't know their birth stories or being a part of it in any way. I called my mom and told her my baby was born! Can I tell you, Lil J's birthday is in the beginning of Sept in 2008 :-) Got chills yet? I still do!

I was told she would be our quiet little cuddler. Cannot.Wait.To.Cuddle.My.Baby.Girl!

Lots of people keep asking what's next. We now have to finalize our dossier so it's ready for when our lawyer in Ug@nda calls for it. He will request our dossier from our agency, then present it before the court. The court will then give us a date for our court hearing, then we'll be on our way to Afric@! (I think this is the rest of the process of what I am understanding.) We were told to prepare to travel in March. The way things are going, I will be happy to make it there for Nya's 1st birthday in Aug.

Please keep us in your prayers. This is where the road gets bumpier & a bit more tiring......

Finally

2010-11-02T21:47:00.002-04:00

We finally got to see our sweet baby Nya's face today! She is absolutely beautiful! Her big brown eyes are to die for! I can't stop staring at her picture. Her given name is not Nya, but we chose Nya because it means "Purpose" & we just love the name. We, unfortunately, can't give any of her info out or post any pictures online because she is not legally ours yet, but should you see me in person..... :-)

So I got the call from our case worker at about noon today. I was in Wal-Mart. I feel extremely bad for the lady that walked by me when I heard our case worker say "We have your referral today!" I believe a little dance happened along with a scream. Our case worker told me if we were ready to hear more about this little girl she would start sending the emails of all her info & pictures. My response "Are we ready? We've only been waiting for 2 1/2 yrs now! Of course we're ready!" She said she would start sending the emails & wanted me to call her back if we had any questions. I don't think I've ever walked through Wal-Mart as quickly as I did today! It was actually more like a jog, I believe. Fast enough for poor Braden to be out of breath & asking why we were racing when we got to the register :-) Then of course the wonderful cashier had to sanitize her hands, wipe down her belt, & basically do everything I really could have cared less about before she rung up our groceries! I wanted to scream at her "Move it along lady or I'm leaving with these groceries w/out paying for them!", but I was somewhat polite yet rushed her as much as I could. Braden & Tanner very much enjoyed the ride home & were yelling in the backseat "Yay! Racecars!" As we arrived home, we passed this strange lady standing at the corner of our road.....It was Barb :-) We all ran inside, got the boys comfortable then Barb & I ran to my computer to read all about our little Nya. Josh got home about 1/2 hr later to jump in on all the excitement. So there's our referral story!
Now we wait yet again. We're now waiting for the referral of Nya's sister which should come in the middle of Dec. This whole waiting thing is getting really old, but tonight I'm not going to even think about that, I'm just going to think about the sweet little face we were introduced to today. God is so AWESOME! This wait has been long, but Nya was so worth the wait. I cannot wait to hold her in my arms & kiss her poofy cheeks...........

Thank you God for our sweet little Nya! Thank you for bringing her into this world 3 months ago! Thank you for sending her to the specific baby home so she could be matched with our family! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

48 Hours from now......

2010-11-01T13:58:00.003-04:00

Where was she found? What day was she born? Does she have hair? Is she a happy baby? Is her family alive? How big is she? How much does she weigh? What does her sweet little face look like?

All these questions have been going through my head. I've been so anxious & excited, but as time draws near, I'm getting nervous. I'm scared that our sweet little "N" that we've known about for 3 months now will be taken away. I'm so scared that something is going to happen to make it all fall through. I'm trying to trust that if little "N" is meant to be in our family we will know all about her in less than 48 hours. I never thought that at the moment we've been praying for for almost 2 1/2 years now, I would be more nervous than excited..........

but oh to see her sweet little face! to know all about her! to finally put a little person to our sweet baby "N"s name.......

Less than 48 hours sweet baby girl we'll finally know who you are!!!!

Oh the happiness!

2010-10-15T15:41:00.003-04:00

We received an email today with a little bit of info on BOTH of our baby girls! I am so glad there were no cameras around as I'm sure I looked like a freak reading an email aloud all by myself crying like a baby! I wish I could bottle up the feeling I had while reading a little about our precious girls. Unfortunately, it wasn't our "official" referrals so I can't share any of the info with you all :-/. We should be receiving sweet baby girl "N"'s referral the first week of Nov. then our baby girl "J"'s referral in the middle of Dec. Please pray for them. Pray for the rest of this waiting period as it could fall through at any time in this phase. Pray that God will start preparing them for all the unknowns & transitions..... & for us as well.

This Momma's having an exceptionally good day!

Why the privacy????

2010-10-15T12:51:00.004-04:00

So I know lots of people have been asking why we made our blog private......

We were contacted by our agency requesting that we do this. Apparently, it's not too uncommon for the official in charge of your case to look into you a little. We didn't want anything we said on here to hinder our case in any way. Not that we bash the system from where are girls are coming from, but just want to be safe. So if you know of someone that would like to follow along with us on this journey please feel free to forward me their emails & I can send them an invite so they can read our blog.

Where we're at in the adoption.....

We have specific girls at this very moment! They're both under the same roof in the same baby home! Oh, how that gives me some sense of hope & lots of peace. The caregivers at this baby home are amazing so I know our baby girls are being cared for! We still don't know who our precious girls are yet, their names, ages, or seen their faces yet, unfortunately :-( We were told 2 weeks ago we would get "unofficial" info on Baby Girl #1 in 2 weeks..... still waiting :-/ We're praying to get this info any second now. We should be getting Baby Girl #1's referral in Nov. sometime then hopefully Baby Girl #2's referral in Dec. or Jan. As soon as we get any info that we have permission to pass along, you will be informed!

Thank you all so much for your prayers & support through all of this!

We Won't Tap Out!

2010-09-26T21:30:00.003-04:00

Josh and I have been struggling for the past couple of weeks. We've been attacked emotionally, physically and spiritually. We had no doubt this was going to happen. Adoption is a call from God! It's an amazing thing! When we as believers, finally give in and start doing what God has called us to do, you can guarantee the enemy will not be happy, and will try to sneak in some way. Following God's will for your life makes you seek after Christ, makes you want to become closer to Him to hear what He's telling you, it makes you have to trust Him COMPLETELY. The enemy knows this, and this is the last thing he wants to happen. My belief is when the enemy attacks like this, he knows something great is around the corner, and will try to do all he can to stop you from reaching that corner, or crush you so hard that when you finally get to the corner it will be hard to enjoy even though it's from our Savior. Think of our Savior in the garden the night before He went to the cross! It's your decision if you allow the enemy to ruin it for you, to allow him to be involved, or to stop him. No matter what it is your doing that God is calling you to, satan will attack; adoption is no different. I strongly believe adoption is one of his most hated things that we as believers can do. Let me explain.......

I feel strongly that this all started out when my Savior was born. satan was defeated by a baby, a child, and since then I feel very strongly he HATES children. That is why there are so many orphans. He wants them to be alone, hated, despised, unloved, tortured, and in the end killed without ever knowing the unconditional love of our Savior. I believe satan gets angry when just one orphan is on their way to a forever home, a home that will no doubt show them the love of Jesus Christ, the child that defeated satan to begin with (Much of this thinking comes from the book by Dr. Russell Moore Adopted for Life, which I would recommend to your reading if you even have an inclining towards adoption, or want to know what you can do to help.) The quote I read over and over again and feel God has been engraving on my heart is,

‎"I firmly believe that the orphan is precious to God. He created them in His image, He loves them, and His heart is broken for them. His answer to this tragedy is you and me. We have to utilize our influence, our relationships, and our talents to fight this enemy. As long as we sit on our hands, the enemy will continue to unleash hell and savagely kill the innocent. Dare we continue to just watch it happen?"-Tom Davis

Christ has deep passion for the orphans. He says it over and over again in His Word.  

Exodus 22:22 ‘You shall not mistreat any widow or fatherless child.’ 

Deuteronomy 10:18 ‘He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow’...... 

Deuteronomy 27:19 ‘Cursed be anyone who perverts the justice due to the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow’..... 

There are so many more!

Christ didn't just ask us to "if you have the resources, the patience, the passion" care for the orphans He calls us to. No matter what. 

Psalm 82:3 ‘Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.’  

Isaiah 1:17 ‘learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.’  

James 1:27 ‘Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.’

I'm not saying God has called everyone to adopt because He hasn't, but He has called us to act in some way. This could be adopting, praying and supporting a family who is adopting, help support an adoption financially, go on mission trips to work with orphans, the list goes on and on...  

I still remember one of the first days we worked at Campi (the orphanage Lili, Josh's sister, was from) in Ecuador, when I walked in and saw all those babies (younger than my Tanner, who is almost 3) all lined up in the tiniest closet of a bathroom, sitting on little potty chairs, sores on their little bums from sitting there for no doubt hours, poop all over them, with an empty stare in their eyes knowing there was no help in sight. It was that day that I decided; I was going to let God use me to bless as many of these children as possible. Our baby girls are only 2 to start.

It says in scripture leave all you have, pick up your cross, and follow Him.

 Matthew 10:38 ‘And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.’ Matthew 16:24 ‘Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.’  

Mark 8:34 ‘And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. ’

Mark 10:21 ‘And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.'  

John 12:26 ‘If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.’

This could be so many things to some. Comfort, time, and money are just a few things that may be needed to be sacrificed unto the glory of Jesus!

Christ went through torture and hell to adopt us into His family. Josh and I are not adopting because it's what people are doing these days. We're not adopting for us, for our boys, we're not even adopting for our two little girls who are institutionalized and without a loving forever family right now. We're adopting because that's what God did for us. He gave His only Son to come down to be in this sinful disgusting world, to be sacrificed and tortured so we could enter into His family, to be His daughters, His sons. He gave EVERYTHING! His life! Why should we not set aside a few years out of our lives, our comfort to do the same for children that He cherishes and loves just as much as us.

We are trying to complete a task that God has set before us and by His strength it will be completed. We had no doubt the enemy would attack soon. We're not done with this, and we're screaming to him “We will not tap out!”. We will keep going down the path Christ has set before us. He will lead us and refuel us for the next attack. satan wants to see our baby girls stay in an orphanage unloved, destroyed, tortured and most of all away from the love of their Savior.

The process of adoption is time consuming, long, tiring, and daunting. It hasn't been easy, and it's only going to get more challenging, but in the end the One worthy will be glorified as rightly deserved. We are so thankful for the community God has placed in our lives. It's been so amazing to have this community come along side us, pray for us, talk with us, and help us in any way we need. People who email us, Facebook us, call us, text us, and stop us in passing to let us know they are praying for us, loving us, and willing to help. This adoption process has given us a glimpse of Heaven, and how the church should work. I can't imagine doing this without our community God has blessed us with. You all know who you are, and thank you for blessing us with all your support!

I'm not trying to scare you, or deter you from adopting. It is extremely difficult and emotional to go through, but I can tell you, I've never felt this close to my Savior. I've never put my whole trust in Him. I've never called on Him so many times a day like I do now. I've never told Him take it all and have it be to ‘Your’ glory, like I have during this process. It's an AWESOME experience! I had someone ask me a little while ago, “Would you be devastated if you went through 2 ½ years of this, and come to the end never getting your little girls?” I had to think about that, I had to pray about it. It kinda hit me.... that may happen. I know I'm not in that situation yet, but I know God would give me the strength to endure the pain that would come with that, but I would ask Him through it, if our story brought other families to realize they are called to adopt and bring their babies home into forever families, I would PRAISE my Father and continue to give Him glory for those little ones being shown His ultimate love!

I do have faith we will have our baby girls soon! It's so close...... like I mentioned an attack usually means there's good news around the corner..... we may have been blessed with a little peak around our corner the other day..... ;-)

Keep the prayers coming! We're going to need them!

PRAISE and GLORY be to the only ONE who deserves!!!!

AMAZED Yet Again!

2010-08-24T07:11:00.005-04:00

Just when I get comfy, relaxed, and think I can't get more amazed by my Savior, He throws more amazing blessings at us! We had a phone interview scheduled a couple of nights ago with LYDIA Fund. These people were wonderful to talk to, they prayed with us, and granted us $1,500 for travel expenses while in Uganda to go get our girls! Josh did the math, and since June of this year we've been given about $12,000 towards our adoption through donations and grants!(Thank you to all of you who have given, you know who you are!) $12,000 people! How unbelievably amazing and miraculous is that? I remember when we first started this whole process, we (well, mostly me) were so worried about where the first $2,500 agency fee was going to come from. I think God may have been chuckling at us.

God has completely knocked my socks off during this whole process. I'm not just talking about Him providing all this money (although it is AWESOME and is only by Him that it's happened!), but I've fallen more in love with my Savior during this adoption process more than ever. This adoption has made me HAVE to rely on God. How sad is that, that I finally found something that I NEED God to help me through. I am so thankful for this realization. I NEED Him in EVERYTHING I do. Every second of the day, I NEED Him, I WANT Him. I am so thankful He is always there and always will be there for me. That He loves me, no matter how many times I fall and fail. He'll always welcome me back with open arms. I love the fact that I can tell Him my fears, frustrations, and dreams, and know that without a doubt He will listen and give me exactly what He knows is best for me. I love the fact that every time I worry about our girls and speak to my Father about it, He comes back to remind me He knows who they are, He's protecting them, He'll bring them to us at the perfect time, and that He loves them even more than I do and even more than I can imagine. Oh, how I love the place I am in right now! In His perfect will! I can't wait to fall more and more in love with Him. He's got AWESOME things coming our way, and I can't wait! I can't wait to have another reason to brag about my Savior. To be able to give Him the glory through our situations that He rightly deserves!

Keep 'em coming, Lord!

Completely & Utterly Blessed by 2 Sweet Little Girls

2010-08-03T07:54:00.002-04:00

I know a lot of you are still wondering what I meant & who these little girls are when I mentioned we were "Completely & utterly blessed by 2 sweet little girls"... Josh wrote about it on his blog. If you click on the link below you can find out the story :-)

http://www.joshcousineau.com/moments-with-love/

Pray with us, PLEASE!!!!

2010-08-01T21:07:00.002-04:00

There are some important meetings coming up this week that could be a help in getting our girls soon. Please join us in prayer all week this week. Not just a “God be with these meetings.” but BEG with us!!!! BEG on behalf of our family, on behalf of our sweet girls. BEG that God will be present in these meetings. That He will lead our lawyer to the right places. That God will be in the middle of EVERYTHING all week this week. Please BEG that God will bring us our girls soon, but most of all that His name will be glorified through all of this.

Encouragement

2010-07-12T21:50:00.002-04:00

Somebody quite special to me sent this to me today. Gave me encouragement & thought I would share it with you all......

Still waiting & praying for our sweet girls.....

Assurance in Jesus

May Jesus assure you that as you follow Him
you will never meet a fear He cannot conquer,
you will never face an enemy He cannot defeat,
you will never enter a battle He cannot win,
you will never have a need He cannot meet,
you will never face a temptation He cannot overcome,
you will never have a burden He cannot lift,
you will never face a problem He cannot solve,
you will never have a bondage He cannot break,
you will never have a moment when He does not care,
you will never have a time when He is not there.

Matching Grant Update #2

2010-07-12T07:06:00.002-04:00

We reached our $2,500 for our matching grant! God is so AWESOME!

We got home from church yesterday & started to grab lunch for the boys when we heard a knock on our door. A friend came in & told us he had something to tell us. He said a group of people had decided to come together & finish up the remainder of what was left to reach the $2,500! Isn't that UNBELIEVABLY AWESOME! God is so GREAT to us!

Thank you SO much to all of you who have been praying for us & our sweet girls & who have donated to our adoption! We've been so blessed with such an amazing community to be a part of this with us!

We are still waiting for our referrals. We could get them at any time now. Please pray with us that they will come soon!

Matching Grant Update

2010-07-11T07:37:00.003-04:00

Today is the final day for our matching grant. All the Paypal donations will be sent out in the mail tomorrow. We're almost half way to $2,500. Can you help us with the rest? If you'd like to send it directly to the agency, please send it out in the mail tomorrow so it reaches them in time. Remember to write our names in the memo box. You can send it to:

GGAM
P.O. Box 4
Modesto, CA 95353

You also have ALL day today to make a donation thru Paypal. Just click the DONATE button on our blog!!! So easy :-)

Please pray with us today that we can reach the $2,500. This $5,000 will put a huge dent in our travel costs & post-adoption expenses & get us closer to being ready to go get our little girls. Please also pray if God may have you be a part of helping us reach our goal.

Thanks so much for all the prayers!!!!

WE'RE ALMOST THERE SWEET GIRLS!

2 Years & STILL waiting....

2010-07-03T10:57:00.002-04:00

Yesterday made it 2 years of this exhausting journey we started called adoption. Yes, exhausting.... I am exhausted. The selfish part of me wants our girls here now. I want to hug them. I want to kiss them. I want to feed them. I want to take care of them. I want to hear their little voices while I go about my day. I'm clinging to God these days with white knuckles & not loosening my grip. He's the only One getting me through this. I knew at the beginning of this it wasn't going to be easy, but I never imagined 2 years after beginning all this that we wouldn't even know what our girls looked like. I have faith that in this time of waiting, God is preparing them, preparing our boys, preparing Josh & I, preparing our family for what is to come. I have no doubt that God will bring them to us soon. I have no doubt that God will give me strength to get through this waiting period. I have no doubt that I will soon have our little girls wrapped in my arms...... I'm asking for extra prayer from whoever is praying for us. This time of waiting is, well truthfully, heartbreakingly difficult for me. I'm clinging to His promises:

Eph 3:14-16 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being

Ps 37:4-5 Delight yourself in the Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him & He will act

Matt 7:11 "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!"

Isaiah 30:18 Therefore the Lord is waiting to show you mercy, and is rising up to show you compassion, for the Lord is a just God. Happy are all who wait patiently for Him.

Jer 29:12-13 Then you will call upon me & come & pray to me & I will hear you. You will seek me & find me. When you seek me with all your heart.

Please flood Him with prayers that He'll bring our girls to us soon!!!

Thank you so much for all your support & prayers.

Matching Grant

2010-06-01T18:17:00.011-04:00

(Click on image to read letter)

We received a letter in the mail the other day informing us that we were chosen for a $2,500 matching grant!!!! God is so incredibly great to us, has been through this entire process, & continues to provide.

We need your help! This is a MATCHING grant, meaning if we can't raise the money they can't match it. All donations need to be sent in to the grant agency by July 15th, yes July 15, 2010. That's a very short amount of time to come up with $2,500. I know we can do it with everyone's help! Any amount will help us out so don't feel bad if you can only give a little. You can make your checks out to God's Grace Adoption Ministry, Inc. Make sure you put "Josh & Anna Cousineau" in the memo so they know it is for our family. You can give or send your checks to us (129 Summer St, Auburn, ME 04210) so we can mail it to GGAM or if you'd like your donation to be anonymous you can send your check directly to them at

GGAM
P.O. Box 4
Modesto, CA 95353

All donations are tax deductible & confidential. I also attached a letter above GGAM sent us to inform our friends & family about the process.

We need about $10,000 more for travel & post-adoption costs so this will knock us down to only needing $5,000 more which would be AWESOME!!!!

We're still waiting for our referral. Praying we will hear from our agency any day so we can finally know who our precious little girls are! Thank you so very much for all your prayers & encouragement through this whole process.

Anna

Tired

2010-04-27T19:44:00.003-04:00

So.... I'm here to tell you all I'M TIRED!!!! I've been having a rough time since I last posted. I've been trying to pretend that everything was cool, good, great.....but frankly it's not! After venting to a very wonderful, godly, & extremely important woman in my life today, I was reminded that I don't have to like all this. I don't have to like the fact that we are almost 2 yrs into this adoption process and still don't even know what our girls look like yet. I don't have to like the fact that out of the 2.4 million orphans in Uganda our agency has told us it will probably be quite a wait to even get a referral for 1 girl let alone 2. I don't have to like the end of each day when we time & time again don't get any word from our agency. I don't have to like the fact that we now have a room for our girls that sits lonely & empty. I don't have to like the fact that we have room & love available in our hearts & home & still God isn't sending us our girls.... I was asked today, "Did Jesus like the cross? Did He like the garden? Did He like any of the passion week?" My answer was obviously no. If my Savior didn't like the HUGE task set before Him, I don't think God is expecting me to like all He has planned for me & my family. So I'm telling the truth now when I say I don't like this whole adoption process. It's hard. It's tiring. It's emotional. It's time consuming, but I'm planning on doing it again after this one is done :-) I'm planning on doing it again until we've run out of money & room, but then God could just provide us with more money & a bigger house over & over again. I thank God for this opportunity He's given Josh & I, for this task He has set before us, but I don't like it completely. I do know everything is done for a reason. I know that our girls aren't with us right now b/c of something, whether it be He thinks I'm not quite ready to handle 4 children (don't know if I ever will be), whether He thinks the boys couldn't handle the transition of everything yet, whether He needs time to work on family members heart to except the "difference" adoption is bringing into our family, I don't know what it is, but I need to remember that God loves me, loves my family, loves our girls & He knows what's best for all of us. I know that when this is all said & done we will be able to wrap our arms around our little girls & they will bring such happiness & blessings to our family. I'm praying that through our adoption, God will open other families eyes & hearts to adoption & will call them to adopt as well. I know that above all God's name will be glorified through all of this!!!
Please keep praying for me & our family as we struggle through the (hopefully) last stages of this process.....

1 Month & Waiting.............

2010-04-09T06:24:00.002-04:00

So today marks 1 month since we were officially put on the referral list. As I think about it, there is a wave of emotions. I don't even know how many times I thanked God last night for making this month go by so quickly. It doesn't even feel like we've been waiting for a referral for a month. But then I turn to my motherly part of thinking. A month is huge in a mother's world. In 1 month, a baby has a chance to start smiling, sitting up on their own, crawling, walking, their 1st tooth could pop through, they could say their 1st word, wave "hi" or "bye" for the 1st time, go on the "big kid" potty for the 1st time...... all of these are HUGE in a mother's world, and all i can keep thinking about as this time passes by is I'm missing 1 if not all of my little girls' 1st's. Almost every morning I wake up & think how wonderful it will be to hear 4 sets of feet running around the livingroom dancing to the Imagination Movers (no I'm not crazy! As crazy as my boys are, I am anxious to be a Mom of 4!). My hope is that as I sit cuddling w/ my boys that God is doing the same w/ my girls. My prayer is that April 9 - May 9 will go by just as quickly as March 9 - April 9 did. Thanks for waiting w/ us. Thanks for praying for us. Please keep praying the issues in Uganda will be resolved & that God will keep overflowing patience onto me.

Update on the iPod Touch raffle

2010-03-16T08:06:00.004-04:00

So unfortunately PayPal will not allow us to use them to receive payments. Everyone who has already made a payment through PayPal is fine, but from now on we can only except checks in the mail or cash by hand. So sorry for the inconvenience...... You can send your checks to 129 Summer St., Auburn, ME 04210 & can make the check out to Anna or Josh Cousineau. Please just leave a comment or email us (akooz04@yahoo.com) to let us know how many tickets you are purchasing & that your payment is on its way. Thanks so much for your prayers & donations!!!!

Click HERE for more info on the raffle......

Who wants an iPod Touch?!?!?!?!

2010-03-15T09:35:00.011-04:00

So Josh & I have about $7,000 left to raise for travel!!!! Sounds like a big amount, but trust me it's so tiny compared to what has been paid :-)

We will be raffling off an 8GB iPod touch. Tickets are $3.00 a piece. You can buy as many tickets as you want to better your chances of winning. The winner will be announced Sun. March 21 late afternoonish. Deadline to buy tickers is Sun. March 21 @ 11AM. We will post it on Facebook, Twitter, this blog, & we will contact the person asap. If you're out of state we will ship it to you. All of the proceeds will be going towards our travel expenses while in Uganda.

Ways to pay....
*Send us a check asap in the mail or give it to us asap (mailing address 129 Summer St, Auburn, ME 04210 You can make the check out to Josh or Anna Cousineau) Please leave a comment or email us ( akooz04@yahoo.com ) to let us know your payment is on its way.

*Give us cash

(If we haven't received your payment yet & you're picked as the winner, we will send the iPod out to you as soon as the payment is received.)

Tell everyone you know about this! Post it on Facebook! Post it on Twitter! Get the word out! Who wouldn't want a chance to win an iPod touch?!?!

Why are Josh & Anna Cousineau adopting???????

2010-03-11T20:03:00.002-05:00

First off I'd LOVE to announce that we are officially waiting!!!!!! We received our last document from the USCIS (immigrations) giving approval for us to adopt.... next step is our referral!!! Now we wait.... could be weeks, months only God knows :-/ Please pray for this impatient soul! Pray that all goes smoothly, and the wait won't be too long and that things will be resolved in Uganda....

So I'm going to answer a few questions that I've been hearing lately & some that you all are thinking but just won't ask....

*Why are you adopting anyway???? (Wonderful question I may add :-)
(2 verses for you to go with this question)

Mark 10:21 And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”

Proverbs 3:27 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.

Josh & I feel strongly nothing we have or own is ours. It was given to us as a blessing to glorify His name in some way. We have a very tiny bit of money left over every month, we have more room in our home, and room in our hearts. This life is not ours, and God says many times in His Word that we as His followers are to care for the fatherless. There are about 163 million orphans in the world today. God gave a command, God gave us room in our home, who are we to live a comfortable life and do nothing while 163 million children suffer? We find ultimate joy in our adoption in Christ's family. We can't think of any other way to thank Him for His ultimate gift than to adopt children and teach them and introduce them to the ultimate adoption we have been given.

*What about your boys? What if the girls are sick and expose your boys to diseases????
God didn't just call Josh and I to adopt. He called our whole family to adopt. God will protect us all. The girls we are waiting for are just as much our children now as our boys are. We think of them no differently. If Braden came down with something we wouldn't ship him off somewhere so Tanner wouldn't get sick!!! Simple as that.

*They're from Africa! What if they have AIDS????
Then we will be extremely blessed to have exposure to medical help for them, and will be able to offer them a WAY longer life here then if they were left in Africa. Yes, we would have to take precautions throughout our life, which isn't comfortable, but then again God didn't say life would be comfortable.....did He???

*You know it's not going to be easy right???
I don't think even raising 1 child is easy! Of course we know it's not going to be easy!!!! God didn't call us as believers to live an easy comfortable life. He called us to pick up our crosses and follow Him. So because I want to have 8 hrs of uninterrupted sleep at night I'm going to turn down a starving little girl who cries herself to sleep every night because she remembers watching her mother die from a disease that could have been treated if they had the money to buy the medicine to treat it? Because I want money to stop to get a coffee 4 mornings out of the week I'm going to turn down a little boy that was left in a dumpster to die because his father was nowhere to be found and his mother didn't have the money to care for him??? (These stories I'm sure are true, but I just typed what popped into my head) How selfish is that!!!! We know life is going to be hard, but we also know God is walking right along side us giving us the strength we need to get through everything He'll be throwing at us. We also know we have an awesome church body! We have a ton of families in our church that have gone through this that we know for a fact will be here for us......

My question to all of you is this......
*Why are you NOT adopting???? (Only non-selfish answers please because most of the ones I hear are in fact out of selfish reasoning)
Yes, I know not everyone is called to adopt, but if you've had even a tiny thought in your mind about adoption, I just want to know...... why not???
If you're one who is not called to adopt, are you called to help in some way? Helping a family pay for their adoption? Bringing meals to a family transitioning from an adoption? Calling the adopting couple to pray with them? (Just a few examples, and no I'm not just talking about helping Josh and I, although we would love all of those :-)

If you have any questions for Josh and I about our process, about adoption, or anything else leave a comment and I'll try to answer it :-)

Please keep our family in your prayers!!!!!

I May Have A Control Issue

2010-02-10T20:35:00.002-05:00

It's been over a year & a half now since Josh & I started the adoption process. Going into it, I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but, boy, I sure didn't know how extremely difficult it was going to be. Sure, the paperwork is tedious, tiring, never-ending. Having someone come into your home to decide whether you're "capable of parenting" after parenting for over 3 years already, was a little different as well. The waiting is a little trying, too, but the thing I've found most difficult is the control.... In the world of adoption, you have none! When you're pregnant, you at least have that sense of somewhat protecting your child since they're living in you & taking over your body. I have no way to care for or protect my little girls. It kills me! It kills me to think about what they're living right now while their brothers sleep in their own comfy beds in their own rooms w/ filled little tummies. The only thing getting me threw all of this is knowing that my heavenly Father loves them even more than I can imagine. He has them wrapped in His arms protecting them. I pray every night that God will give them a sense that there is a family fighting for them. I use to read about adopted mothers telling their children "you didn't grow in my tummy, but you grew in my heart." I don't think you can really get that statement until you've gone threw this process. I never imagined having this much love for 2 little girls I've never met, seen, I don't even know their names yet, but they're my little girls. As we further into this process, my love for them grows stronger & stronger. I can't even imagine what I'm going to do when I finally have them in my arms. When I got word from our adoption agency that Ugandan adoption was put on hold, I was devastated. I cried a little.... ok, I cried ALOT! but again I have no control. I have no control over our government. I have no control over the Ugandan government, but my God does. My God moves mountains, & this is only a tiny speed bump to Him. This just gives Him time to show me once again that He is in control, not me :-) He never fails us. He keeps amazing us & providing for us. We were given a $1,000 grant about 2 weeks ago & we received a call today that we've received a $5,000 interest free adoption loan. Of course, as soon as I got off the phone with the agency, I automatically thought "Well alot of good that's going to do us when we can't even adopt right now." Shame on me!!!! What I should've thought & now am thinking is, "God, how wonderful! Now we're so close that when You do open the doors back up in Uganda, we'll be ready!"
So all that to say, please keep praying for our family & for God to move mountains & open up the doors again for Ugandan adoptions. It seems so untouchable to me, but to Him it's nothing. Thank you to all of you that have been walking this journey with us. You're prayers & encouragement mean alot to us. It's prayers that are getting us through this.....

Please pray!!! Ugandan adoptions on hold....

2010-02-04T11:11:00.002-05:00

Please join w/ me in some strong prayer! I received an email last night from our adoption agency telling us that Ugandan adoptions were put on hold. Apparently the US is not pleased w/ the wording the Ugandan judges are using to grant guardianship to US citizens. I'm not completely sure exactly what is going on. This will affect our adoption, but more importantly there are families there in Uganda right now who have guardianship of these Ugandan children, but are not being allowed to leave w/ them. Their own children & our government is saying they can't leave w/ them! This is very upsetting, but I know God can change those embassy workers' hearts. If we all join together in prayer miracles can happen..... Please pray hard!!!

18.3 Million Merry Christmases

2009-12-24T11:45:00.009-05:00

There are 18.3 million children in this world living without a mom & dad...

Jason Kovacs Blog

This year has been really fun preparing for Christmas with Braden. He now can understand why we celebrate Christmas, & all that is going on. I'm so excited for tomorrow morning with the boys. For them to open up their stockings & presents, spend time with family, make Jesus a birthday cake :-), but I'm also feeling some mixed emotions as well. What are our 2 little princesses going to be doing tomorrow? As they prepare for bed soon, do they even know it's Christmas? Do they even know tomorrow is a special day? Will they have someone to give them hugs & kisses & tell them Merry Christmas? It kills me to think what situation they'll be living while their brothers are here happy, being loved, & spending time with family. What's even harder is to think about the rest of the millions of orphans that don't even have a family waiting & praying for them. They have no one to cry to, be loved by, to call Mommy & Daddy. I have so much anger towards what these children have to endure. The only hope I have is to know that the hatred Satan has towards these vulnerable children started with one Child. The Child that has given us the ultimate gift of eternal life & the Child that will soon come back to save these children & be their ultimate Father. The hope I have is that my Savior will stand beside those children to endure everything they are enduring, & in the end will devour the one that is causing all their pain.

God gave us the ultimate gift on Christmas....His Son. His Son who came to our sinful world to pay the ultimate price so that we may become His adopted sisters/brothers. Because of what Christ did, we are now adopted into His family. Why are there so many orphans waiting for a home? God sent His Son to be beaten, tortured, & bruised so He could adopt us into His family, when all we need to do is set up a spare bed in one of our many spare bedrooms, trust in Him to provide, yes, quite a bit of money, to adopt a child into our family? A child that will wake up tomorrow morning, with no one to celebrate Christmas with. A child that has absolutely no one in this world to care & love them.

I know I'm so anxious for next year. To throw on some purple Christmas pj's along with our blue ones. To have dolls waiting under the tree along with all the cars, planes, & trains, & most of all to love on those little girls & give them a family to celebrate Christmas with for the 1^st time in their little lives with their brothers. What will you be doing next year for Christmas? Filling your spare rooms with TONS of presents or filling it with a child that knew no family until you decided to give them a home?

Just something to think about.... I get this response a lot.... “We could never adopt. It's too expensive.” Remember what the creator of the universe gave up 2000 years ago so that we could be adopted into His family. May this Christmas be one where we give thanks for our adoption and maybe, just maybe take a moment and think about what we can do for the “Christmasless” orphans of this world.

!!!Merry Christmas!!!

Photo by: Seriously_Crawf

2009-11-20T14:12:00.001-05:00

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/2009/11/we-have-had-one-of-those-really-great.html

Info about Uganda

2009-10-15T07:30:00.003-04:00

If you want to know anything about Uganda or the reason why we switched & chose Uganda, please read this blog! This couple adopted a beautiful little boy from Uganda as well. They probably don't even know I read their blogs, but they actually were one of the influences on us switching to Uganda.

Link: http://james127.blogspot.com/2009/10/why-uganda.html

Little bits of Uganda

2009-10-06T07:41:00.002-04:00

This is a blog I've been following from a girl living in Uganda. She has a home full of 13 or 14 orphaned girls & works w/ very needy & vulnerable children. I'm going to share her blog entries from time to time for the few of you who have asked me about Uganda & the situations there. Some of the stuff she writes about are hard to take in, but it's her & all those children's every day life. She does an amazing job at being His hands & feet. I pray God will place a special person like her in my 2 little ones lives until they are in my arms.....

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/2009/10/full.html

2009-10-05T07:33:00.002-04:00

This song so captures my feelings! Just wanted to share while we wait.....

AMOS STORY
Aaron Ivey. ©2009 IVEYMUSIC. (ASCAP)

Another photograph to wrestle in my head
Another sleepless night on concrete featherbed
These thoughts of you like bullets to my soul
We’ve got to find a way to get you home

I’ll find a way to get you here
If it takes my fleeting breath
Another sunrise hits the ground
And it’s a dark lonely sight
Lightyears away I hope you know
There is somebody searching
For the way to get you here

I will get you here

Throw the clocks away and run out to the street
We’ll fly to distant clouds where it’s just you and me
A day will come when all of this is gone
You’ve got to find a way to believe

Close your eyes and dream of a better day with me
As angels hold you tight, may you sleep in peace tonight

So dream, dream, dream my child
Hear the whisperings of hope
It’s a song that you can sing, as you sleep in peace tonight

UGANDA!!!!

2009-08-17T14:49:00.005-04:00

Hey everyone!
It feels like forever since I've given an adoption update....
Since the last time I blogged, we have transferred to a different agency, switched from the Ethiopian program to the Ugandan program, & have received a refund check for some of our $ we sent to our old agency.....

Why all the changes you ask??? Let me tell you :-)

We've been stuck in the same phase of the adoption for quite some time now. We needed about $12-13,000 just to continue on to the next phase with our old agency. We've been praying hard for God to reveal to us what to do next. We knew in our hearts He still wanted us to pursue the adoption we just weren't quite sure what steps He wanted us to take next. Someone asked Josh if we had ever thought about the Ugandan program. They talked a little about this, & when Josh got home spoke to me about it as well right away. We decided it was something we could pray about. The only hard part in switching programs was that our old agency didn't have a Ugandan program so we knew we would have to transfer to another agency. Knowing we could lose quite a bit of $ since we've been sending the old agency $ for about a year now, we needed to know this was really what God wanted us to do. We asked a godly couple from church to walk beside us in prayer for a week about this decision. After much prayer & asking others what they thought about it, we all came to a conclusion that there was no reason at all why we shouldn't transfer. Doors have been opening up wide for us & we have no doubt that we have made the right decision. Now looking back on things, God has been preparing the way for this for a while now. I was a little disappointed that we hadn't been excepted for any of the grants we had applied for, but had we been given that grant $ we probably wouldn't have gotten that back. Little things we look back on now that God had closed the doors on, now make sense to us on why He was doing it. Weeks before Josh talked about changing to Uganda, I had been looking at other agency's websites & programs, not b/c we were having problems with ours, but just because, or what I thought was just because was actually God nudging me into looking for other options for us ;-) There are no coincidences!! Only God-incidences!!!! We absolutely LOVE our new agency! We have a conference call with our new case worker on Thur. & look forward to working with her. We did lose a little $ from our old agency as they refused to refund some of it, but we now only need about $6-7,000 to COMPLETE our adoption with our new agency as opposed to $12-13,000 just to get to the next phase with the old agency.
We are very excited to see what God has planned next for us & God willing we will be heading to Uganda to pick up our 2 little ones as soon as God prepares the way!!!!!

“Don't Ignore What's Going On! Do Something!”

2009-07-04T17:31:00.000-04:00

So I was told something today that bothered me a little bit. I'm not upset at the person for saying it, but it made me realize how many more people are probably thinking the same thing,
“I try to pretend none of that is happening”.
I've been reading a few books that touch on orphans/AIDS/Africa. When this person saw the book on my table (“Scared” by Tom Davis) they said they couldn't read it followed by that statement many others are thinking as well “I try to pretend none of that is happening”.
STOP PRETENDING!!!! No matter how hard you try to block it out of your mind, it is happening.

The number of children in the world that have lost their mother or father, are parentless, or have been abandoned…now exceeds 143 million. In the past hour… 1,625 children were forced to live on the streets by the death or abuse of an adult. 1,667 children under the age of five died from malnutrition and vaccine-preventable diseases. 115 children became prostitutes. 66 children under 15 were infected with HIV. 257 children were orphaned because of HIV/AIDS. In just 1 hour, 1 hour! Most children are under the age of fifteen and are… Sleeping on concrete beds and rancid garbage piles every night – streets, sewers, dumps. Scavenging amongst human waste and excreta for rotting morsels and scraps to eat. Huffing glue and other substances in order to numb the cold, hunger, pain…and shame. Prostituting themselves for basic food and shelter. Trafficked and sold into sexual bondage, even at five years old and younger. Abused and brutalized by sexual predators, local gangs, corrupt police officers, and slum lords. Victimized by HIV/AIDS-infected men who believe that sleeping with young virgins can cure the disease. Recruited into lives of thievery, smuggling and drug dealing. Abducted to serve as child soldiers or the sex slaves of soldiers. Exploited as child laborers or slaves in sweatshops. Executed by local businessmen and officials who view them as a dirty pests interfering with trade and commerce. Sacrificed in occult/witchcraft rituals. Robbed of childhoods; Robbed of self esteem; Robbed of innocence; Robbed of hope. (statistics taken off of another website)

Go ahead try to ignore it, but it's not going to save all those children from what is going to happen to them. I'm not saying this as a perfect person who is doing all they can to help. I'm not! All these books are making me realize.... I'm doing nothing! Yes, Josh & I are in the middle of an adoption, but that will only help 1 or 2 of these orphans out of the over 143 million out there. We as Christians are called to love & care for the orphans, widows, the poor, & helpless. What are you doing to help? Maybe you're thinking, “Well people here in the states need help, too.” Ok, then what are you doing to help the orphans, widow, poor, & helpless people here in the states? Not everyone is called to adopt & that's ok because adoption isn't the answer to helping these children. There are tons of organizations out there that can help these children through your money. You can go on mission trips & find out that way what God is calling you to do. Just pray & listen to what God is telling you. Stop ignoring what is happening in this world & do something. You may be the only sign of Christ to 1 person, but it could make a difference in hundreds of others lives just by helping & loving that 1. It could be as easy as going without your Starbucks for a month & giving all that money to someone you know that needs it. Or as easy as picking up a man holding a sign that says “Why lie I need a beer” & bringing him to actually get one & telling him about our Savior. Ok, so I wouldn't suggest that to any woman out there, but you get what I'm saying. If you've been thinking about this already, but just don't know which organizations to go through to help, I have one in mind so just let me know & I'll point you to the right direction.
Stop pretending, because it's happening!!!!

Your Part of Adoption

2009-05-22T10:58:00.001-04:00

I thought I would share one of the biggest encouragement throughout our adoption story, outside of the comfort of the Holy Spirit.

The faithful gifts of those who are called:
What do I mean by this? There is a strange way that many people have had a big part of our adoption and it is through prayer and listening. Listening to the prompting of God on their hearts. Throughout our journey we have had many times where we have felt down, discouraged, not sure what God is doing. However it seems that every time we get to this point, God sends someone. Someone who has listened to Gods prompting on their heart and gave of themselves to our child. Yesterday was one of those days.

The MT. Ahead:
We have a mountain size hurdle ahead of us, in the size of $15,000 before we can move on. Yesterday God sent someone to show us that God can and will do what He wants, when He wants. This blessing came in the form of a $2,000 gift. God proved that in one single moment He could take our $15,000 down to $13,000 and that we must trust Him for His provision.

Your Part:
Whereas prayer is needed I want to encourage you to also listen to God. Here are a couple questions to ask in prayer:
- Who can I bless with something this week?
- What do I have to give?
- How can I be apart of an adoption? More then just prayer maybe.
- How can I pray better for people adopting?
- How can I bless the fatherless, homeless, abandoned children of the world?
- Where can I cut back to help change the life of a child?
- Is God calling me to take someone into my home?

Once you ask make sure you listen for God’s answer. You may just be surprised by His answer.

Josh

A Little More Encouraged

2009-05-05T13:37:00.002-04:00

So I received an email from our caseworker yesterday. He wanted to check in to see how we were doing & where we were at in the process. I was a little hesitant to email back since it's almost been a year since we started this whole process. I've completely stopped working further into our dossier. I guess, I stopped doing anything in a way of throwing myself since we still don't have the $ to further the process. I let him know that we still didn't have the money & that I was going to start all over with our dossier since all our docs were from a year ago..... He emailed back immediately & told me that Ethiopia has no expiration dates on their dossier docs. Praise God!!!!! This means I can keep ALL the docs that I have gathered already & that we will almost be done our dossier. Our wonderful notary will be coming to notarize the rest of our docs tonight & the end process will be completed tomorrow with authentication in Augusta!!! Our case worker has offered to look over our dossier as soon as we have it completed, which is a step they usually wait on til we have paid all our fees. Then off to D.C. it will go! It's still discouraging not having the $ to complete the rest of the process, but this has given me a little encouragement knowing that we will be a tiny bit closer & that we don't have to gather all the docs for the dossier all over again!!! Your continued prayers are greatly appreciated!!!
Anna

Not a very encouraging day....

2009-03-02T15:03:00.002-05:00

We heard back from 2 grant agencies. One told us they weren't excepting applications anymore and the other one denied us. Needless to say I'm a little discouraged today. It's so frustrating to have all the money we need to complete everything except sending out our dossier to Ethiopia. I try to keep telling myself it will all be in His timing.......

Still Waiting :-/

2009-02-24T10:05:00.002-05:00

We've been asked lately by quite a few people how the adoption is going. I'm happy to be asked, because hopefully that means we still have a few people praying for our process & our little one. It's still at a stand still. 2 or 3 of the grants we've applied for will be reviewed this month & next month. We're praying like crazy that we'll hear good things from them soon! We have only a few documents left in our dossier to get notarized then we can send it off to D.C. & we'll be heading to the USCIS office in the next few weeks for fingerprinting. We trust that this is all in God's timing. He will pull everything together when He knows we're ready.
Thank you very much for your continual prayers!
Anna

2008-11-02T08:16:00.002-05:00

PRAISE GOD!!!! We received our home study in the mail yesterday!!! We, God willing, will head to Portland sometime this coming week to do our I-600 & start sending out our grant applications! It's so excited to be able to go a few steps closer to our new little one!!!

Home Study

2008-10-31T13:33:00.002-04:00

I just got an email from our home study agency telling us the copy is in the mail today!!! That means we can start sending out our grant applications this coming week!!! Please pray that the grants will be successful!!!

A couple new pictures

2008-10-27T09:14:00.005-04:00

While we're waiting for adoption stuff, I figured you might want to see how big the boys are getting. Time goes by so quickly!!! Braden will be 3 at the end of Nov. & Tanner will be 1 in about 2 weeks!

Please pray for the people of Africa & that He'll have His hands on our little one!

2008-10-16T19:19:00.005-04:00

My heart shatters to see things like this, but we forget so quickly that people are living like this every day of their lives....Please pray!!!!

Video
http://doctorswithoutborders.org/news/issue.cfm?id=2396

(I took this article off of another family's blog that also adopted from Ethiopia)
New Report on Ethiopia's Green Famine from Sodo
Ethiopia's 'green famine' takes its toll
October 15, 2008
SODO, Ethiopia (AFP) — Okume Ochubo's tiny plot of land in southern Ethiopia is lush with waist-high maize sprouts and other crops, but she and her seven young children are struggling to feed themselves.
"We cannot survive without food aid, we collect assistance whenever it is available," she said, as two of her children jostled under the shadows of giant eucalyptus trees.
"We are praying to God for a better situation," the 40-year-old farmer added, her voice barely audible under the breeze of swaying maize leaves.
Okume is one of millions of people in the Horn of Africa nation -- a country with a long history of extreme food shortages -- who are at renewed threat of hunger as a result of failed and delayed rains.
The British charity group Oxfam announced last week that the number of Ethiopians in need of emergency food aid had risen from 4.6 to 6.4 million since June, as rising food prices and drought continued to compound the crisis.
But in Wolaytta district, some 330 kilometres (200 miles) south of Addis Ababa, and most surrounding areas, it is a crisis of a different kind.
The region is known for its diverse crop varieties, and a recent downpour of rain since August has turned the valley into a sea of green.
But the area's apparent fertility is deceptive. Rains fell at the wrong time, reserves are dwindling and 50 percent of the area's two million inhabitants are facing what aid workers have labelled a "green famine".
Prior to that, not a single rain drop fell for eight months, leaving farmers with dwindling food reserves, while plunging the entire region into one of the worst droughts it has ever seen.
"It certainly is one of the worst in Wolaytta's history, probably third to 1984 after 2003," Abraham Asha, representative of the US-based charity group Concern, told AFP.
"Had it not been for the quick response of the government and NGOs, the disaster would not have been averted," he added.
At least a million people died in the 1984 famine, with the then dictator Haile Marian Mengistu accused of concentrating scarce resources on the lengthy conflict along the border with what is now Eritrea, and the 2003 crisis left 14 million Ethiopians in need of food assistance.
The current Ethiopian government under Prime Minister Meles Zenawi has been criticized for spending too much of its budget on the military and not enough on guaranteeing the basic needs of the population.
The authorities also expelled several aid groups operating in the Ogaden region, where government troops have since last year cracked down on a rebellion, further deepening an alarming humanitarian situation there.
At the height of the drought in April, Abraham said hundreds of children in several districts suffered from stunted growth and weight deficit.
The UN Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs said up to 12 percent were diagnosed with acute malnutrition in the area at that time.
Experts blame numerous factors for the chronic food insecurity behind the facade of green fields in Wolaytta and the rest of southern Ethiopia.
High population density of up to 800 people per square kilometre and a system of small-holdings have always exerted huge pressure on the land.
"Resources are being exhausted and population is increasing. The region has to take drastic measures such as voluntary resettlement to curb the burden," Abraham said.
Government officials on the other hand, are banking on high yields as a cure for the problem.
"In this district, productivity is far from satisfactory. Farmers here produce only 20 quintals of yield per hectare when other nearby zones produce up to 80," district administrator Hailebirhan Zena told participants in a recent meeting.
"We are focusing on increasing yields through irrigation. It is no secret that Wolaytta lies in proximity to several rivers," he said.
Despite the number of hungry Ethiopians doubling since April and aid agencies reporting a funding shortfall of 260 million dollars (190 million euros), chronic malnutrition has stabilized in the region.
Yet local residents remained pessimistic. The September harvest is thought to be enough to stave off starvation until December but unless reserves last until February, millions will be on the brink again.
"It will happen again as not enough stocks will last until then. It is even expected to be worse next year," Abraham said.
Aid organizations have warned that Ethiopia -- one of Africa's poorest countries and its second most populous -- on the brink of a major famine to that which killed millions in the 1980s.

Psalms 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God."

2008-10-16T14:57:00.003-04:00

This is the passage I keep reading in my head over & over again!
I received an email from our case worker about a week ago with the answer to my question of "How much do we owe just to send our dossier out to Ethiopia?". His response.... $11,100.00.
This is a little discouraging. Apparently we need to send in the international fees before our agency will send out our dossier which is $7,000.00. For some reason I thought I read somewhere in our paperwork that that didn't have to be sent until a referral was made, but I was wrong! I filled out grant applications, but can't send them out until we have our hard copy of our home study to send along with them. Needless to say, all is at a stand still right now. It's hard for me to look at our paperwork knowing that it's pretty much all set, but we can't do anything with it until we find $11, 100 somewhere.... Unfortunately our money tree in our backyard ran out a long time ago!
Please pray that God will provide!!! & for my patience as well!!!

Home Study Completed

2008-10-09T07:42:00.002-04:00

Well, I was able to talk to our social worker yesterday for almost a 1/2 hour. Our home study is complete! & better yet... We passed!!!
We're now into the waiting game. Our social worker's supervisor is correcting & notarizing our home study, then sending it off to immigrations. We have to complete our I-600A & send it in to immigrations as well. We then have to wait for a date for our fingerprinting. While waiting for our fingerprinting, our dossier is pretty much ready to send to D.C. for authentication. When we get the certified copy of our home study we can start applying for grants. We still need about $4,000 to complete everything I've listed above. Please pray for patience as we wait on all of this, & also that God will provide the $ we need to further our process.....
One step closer to our new little one!!!!!

God is AWESOME!!!!

2008-10-06T17:11:00.004-04:00

Just wanted to share what a wonderful day it has been!
I went to check the mail this morning, and found an envelope with $582.00 in it marked "Adoption Fund". I have no idea who it was from. I do know they had to have slipped it into our mailbox personally because it wasn't stamped or addressed. I also got an email from our Home Study Agency telling us that we weren't required to do their training because we're doing enough with our Adoption Agency. The lady let me know that we could drop $300 off of our total because that's how much they charged us for their training. So God provided almost $900.00 for our new little one just in 1 day! He's GREAT!!!!!

P.S. If you're reading this, & you're the person who dropped off the money in the mail....
THANK YOU!!!!! Thank you sooo much for allowing God to use you in this way!!!

Money received for home study!!!!!

2008-09-06T09:46:00.002-04:00

God is so good!!!! The church voted last night on giving us the $5,000 employee adoption benefit, & it went through!!! That will take care of the whole home study process, & some of the next phase after that. Thank you so much for all your prayers, but please don't stop. We still will need about $12,000 or more to get our new little one here, not to mention all our travel expenses to go pick him/her up in Ethiopia. After our home study is complete we can start applying for grants so we'll pray that those will be successful! Thanks again & we'll keep you all posted!

Home Study

2008-08-28T08:28:00.004-04:00

So our home study appts. are all set up. We have them the 15th, 17th, & 19th of Sept. Please pray that they all go well. I talked to our social worker for a while last night. She's very pleasant & of course recognized our last name. The funny thing is we can't officially start the home study until our $1,000 is received by the agency so we're looking forward to seeing how God will provide. Please keep us in your prayers while we journey through this next phase......

Prayer for Ethiopia!

2008-08-11T09:59:00.003-04:00

I just wanted to post a couple of things that were sent to me.....
Please pray for Ethiopia & even though we don't know our new little one yet, please keep he/she in your prayers as well. My heart brakes knowing that such things are happening not only to Ethiopia, but the rest of the world as well. It kills me even more knowing that our child is living this out right now. Please pray for God to put His hands on Ethiopia to start the courts up sooner. There are many families just from our agency that are now just waiting for their court dates, which means many many children have homes already they just have to wait for the court to send them out of these devastating situations...

Video
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/world/2008/08/05/geissler.ethiopia.famine.ITN

Email we received from our case worker
Dear Families:

Ethiopia is now experiencing their annual rainy season, and this impacts much of their daily lives. Roads that were somewhat accessible before are now all but washed away, and transportation is challenging. We can all imagine daily life for those who must endure this season every year.

The judges of the Federal Court are now beginning their two month leave, and are expected to return in late September. Only a few more court cases will be processed this week. A few cases have already been scheduled for court in mid October. We do not expect to receive any new news of court dates until early October.

We realize that many of you are wondering what will happen during the next two months. It seems like an eternity to wait, most especially if you already have a referral. It is our prayer that the next two months, and beyond, will pass with ease, peace, and comfort, both for the children and for all of you waiting mommies and daddies.

............................

We expect at some point that the Foster Care facility in Addis will become filled to capacity with waiting children. When this occurs, the children in the orphanages will remain there until the courts open again, adoptions receive approval, parents receive Embassy appointments, and travel to Addis to get their children. This will create open spaces at the Foster Care facility to begin moving in children from the orphanages once again.

Social Worker Assigned!!!!

2008-08-09T15:01:00.002-04:00

Hey Everyone,
It feels like forever since I've been able to give an update on our adoption process, but we finally can!!! We just got a letter in the mail from MAPS today telling us our social worker has been assigned & our home study will now begin. The home study itself should take about 6 weeks to complete. Please pray that this will all go smoothly, & that our social worker will be an awesome match for our family. Please also pray for our financial state.... we need about $500 to continue on with this phase of our home study. We know God will provide in a miraculous way!
Anna

Financial Support

2008-07-09T08:58:00.002-04:00

Hi Everybody!
I've had a few people ask how they could help us financially... You could either send it to us at 129 Summer Street, Auburn, ME 04210 which would help us with the next phase that we don't have money for, our home study. You can also send it through Christian World Adoption (CWA) which would be tax deductible since they are non-profit. (This can't help us with the home study as we have to go through a different agency for this) All you have to do is go to cwa.org, click donate now on the right bottom of the page, & fill out all the info. There is a spot where you can specify the family's name so 100% of your donation will go straight towards our adoption process. You could also send in a personal check to the address on their website, but remember to send in a letter with the check to specify that you want your donations to go towards Joshua & Anna Cousineau's adoption. Thank you so much for allowing God to use you in this way. As I said, Josh & I can't afford this, but knowing this is a call from God, we know He will provide, and if He does by using you......Thank you so much for being a part of that!!!!!

Anna

Contracts completed

2008-07-08T08:15:00.001-04:00

We've signed & sent our contracts, both to CWA & MAPS. We're now just waiting to hear from both to find out our next steps.......

Making our decision

2008-07-04T09:03:00.004-04:00

Josh & I have always talked about adopting. We looked into it about a year ago, but all the agencies we looked into required both applicants to be 25. Neither of us were, so we just kinda set everything aside, and put it behind us for a while. When my 25th b-day came around, I started looking into it a little again. I contacted 1 agency that told me we could send in our application when Josh turned 24 1/2, and then by the time he actually turned 25 we would be well on our way. We were pretty happy about this response, so we furthered in prayer. I mentioned to Josh that I felt very strongly about adopting from Africa, and he agreed that sounded good. We talked about it, and decided there was no earthly way we could pay for an adoption so we prayed that God would open our eyes at what He had in store for us.
When I went to Sarah McNelly's (our church administrator) house to do our taxes, I called Josh very excitedly to tell him we were getting enough back to pay for the first stages of an adoption (sign #1).
A month or 2 later, Braden & I were grocery shopping, and we passed a little black boy about Braden's age. I, of course, stared for a minute because he was so stinkin' cute. I smiled and walked away. They again passed us down another aisle of the store, when he & Braden caught eyes. Extremely scared of what Braden would say, I told him to stop staring. Braden pushed me away. I again told him to stop staring, and Braden still staring at the little boy, said to me "so cute, Momma!" I agreed, and almost cried. I was a little nervous about how Braden would be with an adoption because Maine has a very low diversity rate. He doesn't see very many colorful people. After our encounter with the little boy, I knew Braden would be fine. (sign #2)
As I looked into different agencies, income was one of our problems. I had 3 agencies respond back telling me we made just barely below what we needed to make to qualify. I told Josh, and I was quite upset. Josh called me from work the next day, and told me something really good happened. Sarah told him they were making a few changes to the staff's salaries. Josh asked her how much that would put him at for the year, and her answer put us just to where we needed to be in order to qualify for the adoption. (sign #3)
After all this, we decided God was preparing the way for us so we started looking into different agencies to pick "the one". We narrowed it down to 3. We knocked one out because we felt we needed to go through a Christian agency & it wasn't. As I looked further into the other 2, I read that Christian World Adoption only required 1 parent to be 25 for some countries. One of those countries was......Ethiopia! There was no question about it. Josh & I both agreed to go with them & start the process right away. We sent our pre-application in.....Accepted! We sent our application in with the fee......Accepted! We did our orientation, and that went really well. We sent all our legal docs to CWA (Christian World Adoption) and have started working on our home study docs & forms.
There's our story! As we do more, and have more to post about, we will....Thanks for joining us, and thanks ahead of time for your prayers.....
Anna

Starting The Journey

2008-07-04T08:42:00.002-04:00

Here is the place that Anna and I will journal and keep our friends and family in the loop of what is going on with our adoption process.